Hello, I’m fifteen years old, I have felt threatened by unknown people whose voices I’ve heard for a long time. I didn’t think this was abnormal until a week ago I Googled I was tired of them ordering me stuff, then paranoid schizophrenia appeared.
I remember being little and hearing voicevoices telling me I had to do as they told me because I was special and they were preparing me for taking me. This always scared me, it often resulted (it still does now) to Mom being close to me and not leaving me alone, not even while I showered, she often has to wait for me in the same room, it also caused her to sleep permanently with me, both things because they terrify me, they’ve threatened to hurt me if I don’t do as they want, but if i do, they say they will hep me,in fact I’m pretty scared now because they told me I wasn’t allowed to write this.
Every single time I’m alone they speak tto me, it’s very rare for them to do so when I’m with someone.
Mom doesn’t know what I’m afraid of, no one does, they can’t, the voices told me I can’t tell them.
I know this kind of sounds like I’m crazy but iI’m tired of them, it’s like being chased from someone you don’t know.
I’m normally a loner, I feel like teens won’t get me, I’m afraid they’ll find out about this and that I’m queer if I get too close to them and call me stuff, i used to be bullied in elementary school so it terrifies me, I’m always anxious around people like they drain me and plot against me because of who i am.
I used to manage in the past to get good grades (just A+) and be nice but now I feel like I’m just either ignoring everyone, crying, scared or mad, like im never truly ok and no matter how hard I try school gets hard I’ve gotten Cs Ds, some Bs and it’s hard to get an A
I don’t easily trust anyone, I guess I got used to that since mom and dad would basically kill me if I said I had a dysfunctional family, I learnt to lie about a lot and to keep feelings and stuff to myself to be protected from people and them.
I know this is large but please someone listen, I’m worried and tired of this