I'm looking at my fingers

And think to myself “whose hands are these?”

I look at my body and think “whose body is this?”

I look at my mind and think the same.

Loss of agency

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I do this but instead I say everything is an illusion. Meaning my body when I look at my hands. I.have had this thought going on for years. I want to forget it and enjoy life.

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Very often i feel i dont exist and nothing exists.
I can’t describe it in words

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That I have felt too. In the past. When I was in my 20’s. I think it was depersonalization because of extreme anxiety.

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In my case it’s a subtle understanding.
Doesn’t involve anxiety or dissociation.
It’s like a revelation

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Now i feel angry again.

My brain is swollen again.
Doesn’t fit in my skull

I will try to distract myself.
Now a basketball game starts
between Greece and Belgium.
I will watch it

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Suddenly tv has no signal. I can’t watch the game.
I just took my prn

Nozinan (antipsychotic with calming properties)
Minitran (antipsychotic with calming properties)
Tavor (benzo)

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Same. Wonder if we’re similar age (Im mid 30s)
I noticed a couple of years my hands look a lot older than I remember. And whenever I dream I’m always half the weight and wearing teenaged long curly hair as opposed to what I wear now.

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I’m 35.
I just don’t recognize these things as mine.
They look phony

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I also feel n believe that others were acting as me in my body without my consent and maliciously and making my body person do things I didn’t want to .

Being one’s true self in one’s true body is I think relaxing , ecstatic , freeing,liberating, blissful, holy etc

I love :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: my holy partner and true beauts etc but I think a woman who doesn’t like me might be in his body sometimes.
His holiness divine true beaut self n my true beaut self in holy love .:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

One’s true eyes , nature , spirit , Aurora , colours , golden moments , holiness etc in n with one’s true body flesh materia ..

As a child i suffered n didn’t feel like self hardly n didn’t get food for while malnourished.n nasty things happened .

As adult i feel my true self in my true body more often .glumpses of true self at least .

I want my true self United and connected with who n all I am with real body n so and bodies n nature n spirit etc and peaceful and free and happy etc in who n all am n connected to true self then easier connect to my holy partner hub and all he is United and also to our people and true beauts n who they truly are .

I also used to feel brain damaged .fragile n delicate.brain not felt damaged in recent moments thankfully.

I went to a petrol station once and said I see you have a brain too to the one at counter .

A friend of mine said feeling one’s own feet was one of best things .he said he could never feel his own feet and then he felt good aliveness in his feet n made him happy .

I get disassociation too .
Not in body n connection n so .
Trauma can cause that I think .
Like being neglected , hated , molested , raped , psychological torture n other horrible stuff .

Hope your brain feels it will have enough space in your head and be happy content .

Nice to see you posting again @Om_Sadasiva !:slightly_smiling_face:

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Everything seems phony.
A dream. A mirage in the desert

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