I'm in a hateful mood today who wants to join me? šŸ˜ 

DX'd - Sz/SzA
22

i am in a hateful mood today too, like all last days may need to stopp reading books. i hate books are crap

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Iā€™m sorry you are feeling so depressed, but at least you have the insight to realize how itā€™s affected you. Donā€™t feel too guilty, maybe take some time to avoid interaction with anyone until you feel more like your real self.
I donā€™t remember all of it, but I realize you not only suffer from emotional pain and mental health issues, but also serious medical issues like chronic pain and other problems that seem very difficult to deal with everyday, especially all together.
I had a horrible night, nighttime can sometimes be very difficult when my GF has gone to bed and I have no one to help distract me from voices, etc.
I started to wig, but went somewhere by myself and it helped immensely. It wasnā€™t quite isolating, but simply somewhere where I could take a break and reconsider my options. I felt I had somehow lost my faith, but something seemed to snap me out of it and strangely enough, I felt better than I had in a while.
When I came back, just some quick hellos to my neighbors and small talk helped even more.

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Sometimes itā€™s hard to break into a circle of kids.

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For the most part I want to help my family. But Iā€™m resentful of my mother because of how she treated me as a child and the thought of having to take care of her when she gets old pisses me off because she made my life hell for so long. Just one of the memories thatā€™s pissing me off is that she told me and my siblings to not cry at my grandfathers funeral cuz if we did it meant that we thought he went to hell when he died. Iā€™m also pissed cuz she has diabetes and she doesnā€™t even try to manage it she is constantly eating chocolate cake and cookies and stuff like that and Iā€™m sure she knows that means she will probably lose her legs and then the rest of the family is going to have to be caregivers for her just because not eating sweets is an inconvenience for her. She does take the Meds and take walks but thatā€™s probably not going to be enough to counteract the constant sugar and carbs she is eating everyday. Iā€™m not even taking care of her right now and Iā€™m already resentful about the thought of it. I think I might understand how you feel. I also feel somewhat resentful towards pretty much everyone other than my sister brother and dad because when I was at my worst and just diagnosed with schizophrenia no one except them were anywhere to be found. In fact instead of getting support instead my ex tells me that he thinks Iā€™ll try to kill him just because of my diagnosis and try to get me to have phone sex with him and be friends with benefits while I was at my absolute lowest. I kept getting weird creepy texts from God knows who around that time and even a prank call from some guys that I still donā€™t know who they are claiming to be the government and telling me that if I didnā€™t tell them all the things me and my family have done or else Iā€™d bring big trouble. Then they told me that it was a prank and I heard him and several other people laughing at me through the phone as he hung up. As far as my ex I havenā€™t talked to my ex since then and as far as the prank I said I wasnā€™t aware of my family having done anything. But yeah I just feel like the world kicked me and shunned me while I was down. I still want to help through charity but my attitude since then towards acquaintances and weak friendships and society is just ā– ā– ā– ā–  them im not going to be there for any of them either. I feel more empathy for the people on suicidewatch on reddit than for most of society. Like I only believing in making an effort to help people that are really desperate for help versus random douchebags that are here today and gone tomorrow if you so much as blinkthe wrong way.

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Relatableā€¦ I used to carry stuff around with me as wellā€¦ but it weighed me downā€¦ it was to muchā€¦ I am already on the edgeā€¦ I had to learn to say ā– ā– ā– ā–  ITā€¦ i canā€™t walk around holding on to ā– ā– ā– ā–  from 1996ā€¦ I need all my strength to fight off these demons that Iā€™m battling today ! I canā€™t waste my energy on yesterday and 25 years ago ā– ā– ā– ā– ā– ā– ā– ā–  stumbling blocks cause if I did then today would defeat me ā€¦: THIS IS HOW I DEALT WITH ITā€¦ doesnā€™t work for everybody

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