I'm going slightly mad

It may be a bad idea to write this but I’m not in the most sensible mood, I really feel the need to rant, and I’m sure my friend is going to get fed up of me whining to him at some point.

I think I’m trying to go insane. Only in secret, of course. I can act perfectly normal, and I almost always do, but now I find myself laughing at morbid thoughts and just generally being a little more off than usual.

I mean I was just diagnosed with depression and, well, if I have MI, might as well go the whole way, eh?

I’m really confused about what symptoms I just make up and what I actually feel or believe, but now I’m so tired of trying to understand that I’m tempted to just give in and act like I believe everything.

I’m quite chill, even about the things that scare me, so it won’t make that much difference to how I act in public, and I won’t hurt anyone or be hospitalised or anything.

But it will either dismiss my confusion and make me much more able to deal with life, or it will send me utterly insane. ((:

Not quite sure what the point of all that was, but there ya go xD

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If you have thoughts that trouble you, the whole issue of making them up or not is slightly off. With thoughts, there really is no difference between making them up or genuinely having them: to have a thought is to have made up a thought, and vice versa. And if these are troublesome, you can and should seek professional help.

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I suppose.
It’s just, I have a very overactive imagination and, well, let’s just say an “unusual” view of reality. So I can’t tell if (for example) my “delusions” are delusions I believe, or just daydreams I got carried away with.

As long as it is troublesome in any way, why not seek help? It seems to me it is not an enjoyable experience.

Everyone has problems, we are just fortunate enough to know what ours are. That’s a blessing.


Eh, some days it’s fine and I rather like it, some days I’d do almost anything just to silence it. Today is one of the sick, kinda-liking-it days. I’m not sure which is worse.

Okay, wait, yeah. I just realised that means you’re right. I should seek help. Thanks xD

I mean I was just diagnosed with depression and, well, if I have MI, might as well go the whole way, eh?

I don’t mean to scare you. But I was misdiagnosed with depression many many many years before I got my schizophrenia diagnosis. The beginning stages of schizophrenia are similar to depression.

I’m not saying that’s your case, just what happened to me.

If like you say, you feel there’s more going on, then bring it up with your doctor.