I'm getting better on supplements

I’m taking Sarcoine, L-Theanine, Brain Vitale, in addition to Wellbutrin, Klonopin, Lyrica and Latuda. The supplemnts have worked wonders and the benzos I can’t live without thanks to being prescribed them for fifteen years. I’m feeling more mentally sharp then I can remember feeling. I’m remembering my dreams again and yes more memories are coming back, especially of early childhood, extremely disturbing, but I;m well enough to reintegrate these without losing it and with a detatched mentality.

I’ve been otherwise reduced to reclusivity, confined to the walls of my condo, looking into a method of online grocery shopping as I can’t sanely walk through a store. Switched to packing my own cigarettes when home and found a satisfying tobacco at a cost of $15 a week the boxes of cig tubes costing a mere buck fifty. I’m saving a ton of money with the amount I was spending on my smoking habit. So I can afford the hundred bucks a month or so my supplemnts cost and am even looking into going in for a tv network in addition to the measly $8 netflix subscrition.

I recently requested my medical (psychiatric) records from the mental health center I’ve been going to out of concern not necessarily from them but from experiences from past practitioners and having been a victim of someone you can’t claim to have been victimized by . That and knowing there’s pieces of my life I haven’t yet pieced together but may be grossly misunderstood. It was actually quite easy, just filled out a form and talked to a woman from medical over the phone about what exactly I wanted and what wasn’t worth paying the 25 cents a page they charge for.

Otherwise…I’m a drunk. I hate it. It’s always been my drug of choice, always, and the more alone I am the more I drink and the more I drink the more alone I am and need to talk, vent and I get to missing people from my past that I get to tears. I crashed on my parents couch last night rather than spend another night holed up in my apartment. Took a brief hike today through the woods down to an old 1600’s water mill and back.

I’m up to no good though, my guy in the city is incummunicado but I’m managing with what I have to be up to no good. I know what I’m doing but what I’m doing is no good, could be worse, but it’s bad and it’s coming soon.

Just had to vent, don’t really expect anyone to have followed this entire post, it was a lot.


Recognizing the problem is the first step towards fixing it. That’s something!

Glad to see you’re still here sharing. :heart:

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Sounds like things are getting better for you. As for being a drunk, I had to get help with that. I ended up at AA and I got lucky and they helped me stop. I couldn’t do it on my own.

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Yeah I’ve done the AA thing, mainly because I ended up in an inpatient/outpatient rehab for people with mental health diagnoses after a DUI and a bad night in Providence Rhode Island. Even spoke at a few but I was so malleable back then you could have propped me up and had me speak about just about anyhing which they basically did. Forced AA, which it was, as I needed a certain number of meetings to get my license back and the program pretty much made you go anyway.

I don’t know, it seems to have helped a lot of people who were in tough places which I can’t blame anyone for being in in this insane asylum of the universe. I just…I don’t know. I feel like giong up down and sideways at the moment and can remember falling beneath my desk and listening to myself moan in the other room. And that was just benzos and adderall. I’ve pretty much got no one to call a friend except a few who I chat infrequently on facebook and a few who only wanted to use my weak point in life to push me into their religious sect, no thank you.

I don’t know where I’m going right now I just can’t be alone and can’t think of anybody I’d prefer to spend time with who still is the person I’d prefer to spend time with if that makes sense. Basically nobody.

It took me years to recover to some basic level of functioning, and you sound like you’re on the right track at least.

Forced AA isn’t AA in my opinion, so I’m sorry that happened. Maybe give them another chance when/if you want to go yourself.

I’m allergic to welbutrin, srs