The last weeks it starts to sink in that i will never be normal. Normies have all these rules and standards and practical and social skills that i just completely fail to see and lack.Their rules are so unlogical to me.
A stupid little example: I walked barefoot in and out during moving. I had been cleaning the bathroom without shoes and my shoes were unpractical and slipping off, so i left them out. People found that real weird apparently. But i can wash my feet? I always walk barefoot. Why cant i quickly walk barefoot to the car in front of the house a few times? People walk indoors with shoes too?
I have all these little things (and huge ones too) where i just seem to miss something.
So many things normies find shocking or important dont bother me. I literally thought i was in hell and my kid was being tortured once. My mum is dying. Why on earth would i worry about the plints in my house being smooth or my feet getting a bit dirty?
Haha I like your last paragraph. I’ve also been in hell mode during my initial psychosis, it puts everything else into perspective. I actually think I can act normal one day, and just keep the schizophrenic troubles with me and bring them out to confront them every once and awhile, but for the most part bear them like a tiny private burden which wouldn’t bother me much.
I’m not like most folks. Statistically I’m different from roughly 99% of the population.
That doesn’t stop me from living large and enjoying my life. So what if your a little different. I revel in my difference and just do my own thing. You get rid of expectations of what others think of you and your half way to freedom!
Don’t let others or even your symptoms hold you back from living!
Thanks! Yes, that would be good, to live like that.
I have different rules for living somehow than others. Always have. And I also care even less about all these rules after hell mode.
Stupidly i do still care about the people behind the rules, to be accepted, loved. Rejection and judgement still hurts. I want that freedom @rogueone! I already have loads more of it now than in the past though.
It is just…when most people see the real me, they find me eccentric and just not fitting into all sorts of standards. In my country especially people are very organised and structured. It doesnt agree with me. And I often find them unlogical.
I want to be myself AND be liked. They only like me if i adjust.
I think the less we have inner thoughts of what is going on (percieving) and just go along with the shifting of the conversation, the more at home we will feel, and less odd. When we are alone, left to our own devices, it’s easy to get caught up in repetitive thought patterns that have no logical basis, Humans are social creatures and we help one another no matter what our status is. We need that contact or we lose contact, and logic. The more we think about a situation, we pretty much psych ourselves out
Hey, we’re on the same side but my advice to schizophrenics is to do the normal things you have control of. Sure, acting normal is a thankless endeavor a lot of the time. But it’s no use giving so-called “normies” more ammunition to treat you badly or look down on you. Stigma and ignorance are real so my opinion on the shoe incident is that adults don’t generally walk outside there home barefoot. It takes two minutes to put on shoes or it takes three minutes to dress appropriately or it’s best to keep groomed and with a haircut. You have control over things like those (and many other things). There’s a lot in the world you have no control over but doing certain simple things could make your life easier.
It is not so much purposeful rebellion, as it is being ignorant to societal rules. I make sure I’m dressed, showered and have my hair done when I am going to meet others, because I know that I’m supposed to do that.
But I make misjudgements. I obviously wouldn’t visit the supermarket without shoes. But I always walk outside barefoot if I want to quickly put the old paper outside or so. Only when people said something I was like “oh… apparently other people don’t do that”. Same with other things… apparently you don’t wear a nice dress when you move stuff. Apparently you are supposed to have whatsapp or people get pissed. Apparently you don’t take a plastic bag with something you just bought to work. Apparently you need to smoothen the plints and doorposts before you move into a house with a machine. There are so many rules!
I’m just real scared now because I already didn’t manage to get the house clean (all the stuff was neatly packed and cleaned though) and people kind of forced themselves into the less clean rooms. Then, suddenly, walking barefoot is an extra craziness that people judge harsher.
It makes me sad. I feeling like withdrawing from the world.
Hmm what you did has nothing with schizophrenia symptoms. Or does?
Your question is maybe if you should behave in expected ways if that’s what society wants from you. My answer to that dilemma is :drumroll: it depeeeeendsss
If you are reckless with others, if you don’t care if you are hurting others with your behavior, then for the love of God, STOP IT.
But if those expectations from others are just another way of rednecks trying to control your life, then â– â– â– â– them and their rules.
Looking at being aphantasic, on the autism spectrum, being left handed, and having schizophrenia the calculator result is 4.166666666666667e-7 whatever that means . I think it might mean there’s not many people like me .
No no i try hard not to hurt others! It is mostly just chaotic stupidities. Sometimes other people accidently get hurt, because they expect something and i never even registered the expectations and they think it is indifference or laziness. But 95% it is just mildly to severely awkward moments.
I suspect it is more add or autism (@firemonkey?) than sz. But i dont know if it has to do with sz (disorganised behaviour? executive function?).
@anon73478309
It sounds like you’re really struggling after moving day. The reality is, these folks love and care about you. If they passed judgment, they need to repent of their own sinfulness. You were vulnerable, and that took humility, courage, and strength. You always see more to a person when you help them move. It’s okay. We’re all different, and it’s a part of accepting and welcoming one another.
@anon73478309 Normal… None are truly “Normal”…They themselves just haven’t been diagnoses with anything yet and most of them that do have underlining issues are afraid to admit it I Have found. Plus they don’t have good mental health like us that struggle in daily life like us in here.
Basically… If they have a problem it’s not with you it’s with them selves… They are sadly passing judgement on you about their own self denials and self esteem issues.
Plainly ignore those fools and be your self… Don’t worry about what they think Just focus on being you and enjoy what you can thru the day…Even if it’s a tiny bit of cleaning or some cooking , extra…
