I told my IOP in CBT about how I had anxiety high that lead to all other emotions. Such as feeling “empty/alone” I felt alone because I feel I have flat affect because today at the psychosocial club I saw two staff members having a highly charismatic high action packed conversation that I never have because of flat affect…I almost called them normies but I caught myself and she said “I don’t think you have flat affect at all” and everyone agreed. And they said that I may just come off as unapproachable to some people. And that’s why I don’t have those conversations because I make myself seem unapproachable and then they don’t come at me with so much emotion to get the conversation going…
Do you feel unapproachable? Flat affect? She said I was self-diagnosing myself.
You are a very shy person, and shy people frequently seem unapproachable. If you want to work on it, start slow. Just spend time in public places watching people interact. Then try to start conversations yourself. It is scary as ■■■■ the first thirty or so times, but it slowly gets less scary, and eventually it is even fun. Social skills are a learned behavior, just like any other.
I spent most of my teen years as the creepy loner who everyone was worried would shoot up the school. Then, in college, since nobody knew me, I took the opportunity to reinvent myself. I said hello to a few people, and asked them some questions. I discovered that most people, even outgoing ones, have crippling insecurities, and they spend most of the conversation worried about what they’re going to say next or how they look.
They are way too worried about themselves to care if I do something dumb. In fact, if I do something dumb and then laugh at myself, they feel more at ease, because they see that I’m not perfect, so they don’t have to be either.
It is difficult to learn this skill. But not impossible. All my life people called me the quiet one, or the introvert. Now, my new friends don’t believe me when I say I used to hate interacting with people. It just takes practice, which is terrifying. You will make yourself look like an idiot a few times, and you just have to accept it as a learning experience and move on.
I may be shy but I have really good social skills in some cases. Like I have a way with words I’ve been told. I have charm. Maybe I’ll start approaching ppl at the psychosocial club. Being shy is a vicious cycle though I always go to say hi to people when I’m with someone else and they ignore me and say hi to the other person. My life experiences made me shy. I was the class clown in 5th grade
We sound similar. I was the class clown when I was younger and have been told by people that I’m charming. But I’m very shy. I am decent at having relationships but very bad at initiating them.
I’ve come to accept that I will be shy to some extent, for the rest of my life. It’s not that bad of a word , although I used to get pissed when my therapist called me a “shy guy”. Time will change how you think of that word.
We’re all somewhat unapproachable. We’re locked into a new frame of mind that is incredibly easy to predict but hard to operate - not from their perspective but ours.
and she said “I don’t think you have flat affect at all” and everyone agreed. And they said that I may just come off as unapproachable to some people. And that’s why I don’t have those conversations because I make myself seem unapproachable and then they don’t come at me with so much emotion to get the conversation going…