Yeah I see what you mean. It’s a personal thing to find out! All the best to you 
I can see the seeds of my mental illness even in my carefree childhood. What I remember most about being a “normal” child was how much more blessedly relaxed I was in social situations. It seems like my life got a lot colder when my mental illness came on.
i can remember my childhood a little, just how much more easier and fun that it was
Dude, normal is a setting on your dryer. People are more complex than that. See, the way it works is, You are born weird. Then you meet someone who’s weirdness is compatible with your own. THen you make more weirdos. And so on.
sounds simple when you say that
Nothing is ever simple. All you can do is make how you handle it simple. No matter hos complex something is, you figure out the simplest way to deal with it. The harder you make it for yourself, the more it takes away from what you need. Inner peace is so hard for us, but simplicity is inherently peaceful. So that is what I work towards.
I was never normal until after I had schizophrenia for ten years. I was a little weird when I was younger. Nothing too bad, just extremely shy and closemouthed. But after I got clean and sober, my life blossomed and I went to college, I got a job, I made a couple of friends and I was always doing something with my family and their spouses and friends.
Hope you turn around and get more energy soon.Just do your best and continue moving forward.