Okay. This might sound stupid. But i thought long and hard and i want my ex back.
I broke up with him years ago. It was a mistake. I just still love him and his daughter. They belong to the rare handful of people i ever felt safe with. I dont think i had any other relationship in which i felt safe and like a family, and truly loved the other person from a feeling of safety. Not the craving that comes with an avoidant partner…just relaxed, peaceful togetherness (to the extent that i am capable of that).
I deeply regret having split up with him.
We meet a few times a year as friends. I do not want him for a fling. I know him well enough to think i would like to seriously date with an eye on marriage. His daughter, who was a baby when we dated, asked us a while back why we couldnt get married.
He says we are still special to him, but i doubt he would date me, knowing all my attachment troubles and instability. I also doubt if i should burden them with my issues. If i look from empathy with their perspective.
I know the sides of him i dont like too…but i can live with those.
Should i still try? Tell him how i feel and ask him for an official date?
I quit antidepressants (and wasnt on an AP yet) and got very frightened and unstable. I wasnt ready yet. I also felt he wasnt ready, just being widowed less than a year ago.
I doubted at the time whether i could deal with something i liked less (he is a bit blunt and not so emotionally intense/sensitive). This frightened me at the time, after coming from a relationship with a sociopath. But i know now his character is completely different…He is very loving, kind and i just need to be clear about what i want instead of giving subtle hints. In which case he is always willing to be kind. I actually like that he is very clear, honest, direct, stable, “what you see is what you get”…Which was exactly why i felt so safe.
Maybe i should. I think he would say no though. I thought of asking him for dinner, creating a nice atmosphere and then admit i still miss the times we were together.
If he says no, at least you’ll know you tried. You don’t want to be feeling this same sense of longing and regret ten years from now as you scroll Facebook and see him with some other partner.
I did something else. I asked him for a beginners weekend tango. We spoke of that before and he liked the idea. I think it would give plenty opportunity for romancing and serious talks and seeing how we feel together without kids running around. Now im frightened.
