I’m just really tired. I had an “episode” of paranoid thoughts yesterday and berated my husband. I was shaking and totally immersed. I came out of it after about an hour (An hour of yelling at him, but hours of building up to that) I was actually scared afterwards because I had totally believed something that was utterly wrong.
Lately I’ve been depressed and barely functioning at work. It shows now since I’m part of a partnership or team in the classroom. My differences are so apparent and it’s exhausting.
I’m exhausted, and I wonder if it’s too late for medication. I’m terrified, but I’m in therapy and I need something more.
Are the terrible side effects of medication worth it? Or if you were functioning as well as I am without, but wanted to feel better than you do, would you take the chance?
I am not even aware of most side effects. I would be hard pressed to pinpoint exactly what they are and how they effect me. I know I’m not particularly sedated, I get a little dry mouthed.
The meds have made my life irrevocably better. I do have some side effects, like having to go to bed early and being a little hungrier (but I’ve actually lost weight now that I’m stable) but compared to psychosis it’s a breeze
From what you just wrote, it doesn’t sound like you’re functioning that well tbh.
Meds are a scary thing, but they’re so worth it once you find the right one.
Sure, the first few weeks there are side effects, and some of them may linger, but it’s trial and error and if you don’t give up you WILL find one that fits you.
What’s important to remember is that it may take up to 2 months for the meds to reach full effect, so don’t give up if it’s been a week and you don’t feel better.
I say give it a try 
Thank you, @Pikasaur, @Air and @77nick77. . I’ve been against medication for so many years. It’s like telling me to take something that will actually take my mind away from me.
But I don’t have as many hallucinations as I used to, and my companion angel is only there minimally at this point, which I guess most people would say is good, but I never wanted to lose Seraton. It’s a loss like any other. So, I don’t have to worry about the medication taking “him” away. Really, it’s the negative symptoms that feel like they’re killing me and taking everything good in my life away from me. I’ve been talking about what’s wrong with my family, etc for many years and new revelations do help some, but the base of how I am remains the same.
Thank you so much for your insight. 
You’re one of the few people I’ve seen with sentiments like this. Do you mind if I ask what medication you’re on?
I’m on Latuda, Seroquel, and Cymbalta.
Thanks for the info!
There is no reason to yell at anyone. I hope your husband don’t divorce you, cause i wouldn’t put up with this for an hour. I would move out.
That’s why I want help, @anon53623539. This is such an unhelpful comment that I don’t know why you took the time to make it.
I have to take medication cause everybody is sick of my b(u)llshit, especially my partner. I have spent endless nights at busstops. Take f(u)cking medication.
That’s more helpful. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. Thank you for your insight. I don’t want to lose my husband and I do worry about it.
Sorry i tried to tell you nice way. Thankfully you forgave me.
I have days where it is hard for me to get myself going. I lack energy, and it is probably due to my ap. I can only speak for myself, but any time I tried to come off any ap it was nearly a catastrophe. I’ve been strangely fortunate. It could have been bad.
I’m worried that I’m too old for the process. If you’re lucky enough to go as long as I have without medication, then you’ve worked really hard (I have) just to maintain basic functioning. Now, do I have the energy to go through the process to find the right meds? I can’t believe how tired I am all the time.
@Hedgehog, you’ll never know unless you try. And you may need to try multiple medications before you find the right one. Don’t give up!
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