We ended things badly due to me relapsing hard and basically ghosting him. After 18 months he reached out to me and said he missed me and I felt I owed him something I suppose and opened up to him about everything. Which I haven’t completely done to anyone before. I told him about how I was very manic when we were hanging out and then fell hard which he understand because he knew I had bipolar. He also does. But I said I started have positive and negative symptoms. About my hallucinations self harm and delusions etc.
And that didn’t feel too hard. BUT.
He came back with a counter story. A friend of his who was describing his uncles life and how his delusions matched mine to a T. How he always tried to travel to another universe by following certain instructions told to him through his voices and water. And how he killed himself in the end by drowning which scared my friend as I told him my fear with water and how I thought it’s how I would go.
He was worried and told me he doesn’t want me to feel so alone to do anything like that. It was nice to hear him care after I tore his little heart out. But I couldn’t help but get stuck on this uncle and how sad I am he didn’t have anyone to support him enough that he is now dead. How awful. I sometimes want to die but I don’t want to die.