I beleive that I am schizophrenic. I’m 90% sure that I am. I believe that my mother also suffers from it but she refuses to see a psychiatrist. The only reason why I have not been diagnosed yet is because I’m terrified. okay, so let me tell you all what is going on.
I have suffered from social anxiety for as long as I can remember, but now it is worse than it has ever been. I cannot go anywhere in public because I beleive that everyone is staring at me and judging me. this may be a delusion but people do seem to stare at me no matter where I go. It affects my self esteem (that I don’t even have) and it heightens my depression and anxiety. I am also suffering from negative symptoms. I beleive that this has been going on since high school, but I am just now noticing because I have recently quit drinking and smoking. i have the blunted/ flat effect. It’s very severe too. people always think that I am mad or that something is wrong even if I feel fine. I guess this is because my face does not display the emotions that I am feeling. I also have this creepy blank stare that I can’t help or control but whenever I look in the mirror I scare myself because I don’t identify with the reflection. its terrifying. I also suffer from a lack of motivation and lack of goals, as I started before I hardly go out in public so I stay at home most of the time. Unless im with family. social isolation is just a recent thing and it isn’t by choice, my friends have chosen to cut me out of their lives… Sorry I feel that this is lengthy but I really need to get it all out. as for positive symptoms, im not sure if what im experiencing is due to my poor eye sight (when I checked into a mental health clinic, my social worker told me I should have my eyes checked bcause what I descrbed to her as haucinations turned out to be eye floaters) But I also see lights. Mostly if I look at a light for even only a second or a screen then i will see a tracer of the light (but a different color) for a minute or so. I also find it very difficult to focus even during conversation it can seem like I am not paying attention or interested in what the other person is saying but this is because I am caught up in my own thoughts… But the scariest experiences are 1) sometimes I cannot tell if my dreams are real or not. like I’ll think of an event or something and I’ll wonder if it was real or if I dreamt it because when I am dreaming I do not realize I am dreaming because they are so realistic. and they are usually about regular events like hanging out with friends or family but even if it is a crazy dream I still do not identify it as one until I wake up. and 2) I think that I do hear a voice or voices but it is very low and it mumbles inaudibly and only at night like when I am trying to sleep… it may just be me confusing other sounds for a voice but I can almost swear it says my name. and I have also thought a tv to be on but when I checked nothing was on. Thank you for reading and sorry for the lengthy, disorganized rambling but I needed to get this off of my chest. let me know what you guys think
Don’t be afraid. Go see a doctor.
Things will only get better from there.
thought i would say hi.
if ’ positive ’ to sz…do therapy…i do cbt…helps me heaps
sz is not the end of the world…
I agree with SoitGoes - see a doctor.
The tracers after looking at a light are completely normal. They’re called afterimages.
It’s also normal not to recognize that you’re dreaming while you’re dreaming. If your dreams are non-bizarre, it’s not even odd to have some confusion about whether something’s really happening.
The time between sleep and being awake is called hypnagogia
and hearing voices during this time is also normal.
Nothing you’ve said makes me think you have schizophrenia; in fact, the fact that you think you might is more of an indication that you have extreme anxiety than it is that you have schizophrenia. Google “worried I have schizophrenia” or “worried I’m going crazy” and browse through the results.
But you should talk to a doctor about this. They’ll be able to help you figure out what’s going on and help you. If you’re sure this is incipient psychosis, check this page for places to go to screen and help you:
The sooner you get treatment, the better you’re going to do. If this is psychosis, you’ve caught it very early. Don’t be afraid. Take advantage of your insight to make things better for yourself. There are tons of people on this site who wish they had known to take action as early as you’re doing.
thanks a bunch, you guys
don’t wait too long, go and see a doc immediately. nothing bad is gonna happen when you see a doc. On the contrary, if you find a med that works for you, you can get your life and friends back and have a better functionality.