When I started to find out more about sz, my pdoc said to me: ಅಲ್ಪ ಜ್ಞಾನ ಸರ್ವ ನಾಶ
Means to say: “Short Knowledge, Every thing destruct”.
I was working so well, when I did not go in depth of this condition.
When every I was not able to do some thing, I blamed it on the label.
Slowly I started to deteriorate.
The schizophrenia diagnosis i cope with - cos i know thats not my fault. The alcohol misuse diagnosis, im completley guilty of tho.
Sz would be easier to deal with - if i didnt have morons stigmatising me over it and judging me for it. Its almost worse than the positives - cos i can take a pill for that.
That is what it was like working in a restaurant. Total team work. You had to coordinate with everyone so the food went out fresh and hot and in order. Salads first, then the entree, then the desert. A family would order different things, so I had to cook the ribs and chicken and have it ready at the same time as the guy cooking the steaks, and then that had to be done at the same time as the guy cooking the fries or vegetable sides so it all went out fresh and hot. At first I was capable of doing it but it was stressful work, I eventually started experiencing mental illness and couldn’t do it anymore. I ended up taking a leave of absence for 6 months, then they rehired me at a much less stressful, more solo position.
That is why I enjoy my current job as a delivery driver so much, it’s perfect for me, virtually the whole job is solo work. I’m out on the road and I work alone all day so I have no one bothering me and no manager constantly telling me to do different things or asking for favours throughout the day. My managers are pretty cool but still, I think you get the point.
Don’t beat yourself up though, you’ve managed so far, just keep on doing what you’re doing. Have you had any complaints from management or other staff to make you think that way?
Yes, I would rather know. Even though when I first was told I had schizophrenia it hit my like a ton of bricks and I fell into a deep depression. All I knew about at the time was these people are batsh*t crazy and now I was one of them. I was ignorant but that is what I thought. It took me a long time to get closure, but when I did my depression faded. But I got better, and I’ve learned it’s better to face a problem head on and fix it, rather than not knowing what is going on and let it fester.
Yes. In a way, it helped me feel less crazy, like there was a good reason for why I am the way I am. It gave me something to research (I like researching things relevant to my situation), something to dig into to understand, so I can assist my pdoc and therapist in my treatment.
That’s how I feel. After I accepted my diagnosis I started researching a lot about it, and read up on psychology in general. It helped me come to terms with things, understand myself better and then I was better at explaining things to other people, including my pdoc. Learning about schizophrenia and things like CBT helped me get closure on the issue and that lifted me out of my depression.