If the difference between a hallucination and illusion is knowing that they are not real, then ones you hear inside your head would be illusory, right? I’ve been trying to sleep, but there are voices inside my head outside my internal monologue, it’s mostly just completely random nonsensical stuff. Some lady said do you even know what time it is? hello? Some british lady said something I can’t remember, a bunch other stuff, and there’s always a song playing, sometimes even songs that don’t exist and I can’t understand, it’s a lot like the intrusive thoughts, kindof like daydreaming, only talking rather than seeing. Everything, the random extra thought garbage, the violent obsessions, it’s all with that crazy dream logic, it doesn’t really make any sense, you know? Like how I had a dream about being at work yesterday, and all my coworkers had their shirts buttoned to different buttons because since we had the same work shirts they all had to be different
I don’t know. Sometimes I feel okay, and sometimes I feel like i’m getting crazier. It’s been getting really hard to understand how i’m doing these days. I’m still decently capable of working, but I need caffeine to function, but it makes me really strange. Without it I get so moody. Thats why I still drink caffeine, it keeps me happy at work. I really don’t like working there, and I get so many horrible thoughts. Caffeine is good when I have to enjoy things I don’t like
Earlier I had one that was i’ve been dreaming of a red christmas, and my family was dead. It continued until I finished smoking and came inside. I’ve noticed that when i’m very cold things are worse. Overstimulation or something maybe
This thing right here that I do is very probably obsessive rumination, and I should probably start saving these posts on my computer. I probably won’t though
Are these occurrences consistent with your totally wakeful hallucinations?
Have you heard of hypnopompic and hypnogogic hallucinations… those right before sleeping and right when waking up… i assure you they are totally spelled wrong… but yeah… sound it out…
What I like about those hallucinations is that they are very much SZ hallucinations but during those time-frames they are actually not about me… making them a lot more enjoyable…
anyways it’s good to document this stuff… eventually you will want to delete it though… I just clean house on my google drive a week ago…
I get waking hallucinations, but those are usually visual. Everything is patterns. It’s the worst when i’m hungover
Tonight though I wasn’t partially asleep at all. That’s why i’m awake now, I made no ground. There’s people in my head and i’m not used to that. It’s happened before, but this is a lot.
■■■■■■■ voices man… my neighbor… my mother… other random “people” just berating me and everything I do… trying to reduce me down to one dimension… it’s just crap… just crap all around…
but right when I’m drifting off to sleep… all that fades away and some crazy crap starts happening… I’m lucky to sleep through it… hah
anyways… relax man… reduce the caffeine… I kind of focus on silence… or distant things I’m hopeful about and stuff… reduces the interaction between me and “them”…
my voices are like hellish torture being teased with various escape ropes which cut as soon as I grab onto them…
my mind would like me to know that it is superior to me… I don’t know what… but it is a game… the noise is supposed to win… typically its just a tug of war though… I can’t entertain it any more… I think I could be it but I’m just bored and dysfunctional can’t really get far enough away from it without running into a reminder
The intrusive thoughts I was having when I went to smoke earlier were particularly dreadful. The red christmas one
The cold was messing me up. If I feel too much in any direction I get worse. I went to karaoke yesterday and there were some times that were hard. Karaoke is cool though because there’s always music playing. It’s very scary when I go sing though, because that’s the only time anybody pays attention to me. I get treated a lot like homeless people most of the time. Just sortof a weird indifference.
I like to drink caffeine when i’m out, it’s sortof like induced mania, more talkative and stuff yeah?
I can relate to a lot of that… its 3 am and I have one more soda I’m fighting to keep off my mind…
that’s sucks though man… the feeling ignored by default kind of thing…
but most people’s attention is worth claiming anyways… they’ll just talk ■■■■ on you as soon as they can… they probably have terrible existences inside and lacking schizophrenia they are allowed to smile and carry on like they are made of clay without thoughts…
I don’t know man… You’re newly sick right though? less than a year? It gets easier… still tough at times…
right now the psychosis beckons for me to give it ground… I’m doing my best and it is going surprisingly well after a good couple of weeks of near breakdown…
I did jsut make a new thread titled “new tactics” might be worth a look for you.
I still don’t even know what I have. I’m pretty confident that it’s schizotypal, but schizotypal often becomes schizophrenia, so I could be prodromal. I didn’t just wake up one day hearing voices and hallucinating, its been a laborious study of my symptoms, which have been changing over time. I don’t fit the profile of most on here, I know that much. The uncertainty makes me very anxious
It seems like as soon as I understand my symptoms, I feel different and have to understand them all over again. Although everything always feels different because of the short term memory
you seem very coherent… but based on what you’ve said before… it does seem like a chaotic disorganized experience you have…
right so… it’s not about the label man… it’s the symptoms…
Rampant imagination sounds like a strong component but that’s not an official part of the illness… run away images and noises and stuff… definitely SZ… psychosis… the waking dream type stuff…
The fatigue and memory hurt me a lot, in work environments. The intrusive thoughts cause a lot of personal distress, often violent or suicidal and sometimes paranoid. I don’t really mind dressing and acting strangely, I think I’m hella cool.
yeah you’re cool man… sorry you got a head circus… it sucks… but uh… man I get the feeling you’ll overcome it… the insight you’ve already shown…
prognosis is all over the place… again the specific diagnosis doesn’t matter… keep discussing your symptoms just like you are here… pick it a part… look for commonalities… never stop trying to find stones to check under…
and lifestyle is huge… drugs and crap… gotta go if they haven’t already… those are the kind of things that will knock you back closer to that dreaming state…
I’ve been getting less insightful, unfortunately. Out of high school I signed up for the Navy. I qualified to be a nuclear engineer. I was always so good with words and insight, but its going. I can feel it. Even if I do just have schizotypal, from what I’ve read its not something you ever recover from. It’s not as severe, kind of the aspergers of schizophrenia, but it doesn’t go away
It does get better, pretty soon you will become apathetic towards everything and the voices if they never leave. I was shocked, it took 1.5 yrs for the to leave me alone, until I got really annoying.
@MisterWaffles yes you are an extremely cool dresser and very insightful about the symptoms and super good at research
I experience visual and auditory illusions almost every day (more when stressed), but hardly ever hallucinate anymore.
This is what I have read the difference is:
"An illusion is simply a misinterpretation of data that the brain is receiving—perhaps caused by light being refracted in an odd way [or sound being misinterpreted?]. A hallucination, on the other hand, isn’t based on any kind of reality. As an example, people with cataracts tend to see illusions. [From asking:]
What is the difference between an illusion & a hallucination …"
on the internet
When I had hallucinations, they were so extreme that I knew they were not part of this reality. I did think there was another reality happening, so I agree with your definition as well.
I think it’s important to understand symptoms, and also to really concentrate on understanding your strengths and goals. Then combine the data: figure out how symptoms can be cleared up or managed in order to do what you wish to do.
If things are too difficult and symptoms become temporarily or permanently debilitating, you will know 100% for sure that you have done your best. And that is all anyone can ever do.
My bet is you will recover enough to do what you hope to. From all of my research, the odds are with you. You are working really hard to understand symptoms and to control them; you are doing so much, even if you don’t get credit for it in most places.
