Today I got paranoid and almost hurt someone and then almost got myself kicked out of my home.
I thought the rage was gone but it came back really strong today in a really dangerous way. I decided to take less gabapentin so maybe that’s why but I feel like I should go to the hospital…
Today I decided to take less meds and it was going ok. Then I decided to limit my screen time and get some space from my devices and the Internet. As soon as I did I felt better and separated from my delusions that people are watching and plotting on me … anyways…about an hour after doing this my water stopped working and I thought it was my abusers sending me a message about me getting off of my devices. I went for a drive and did some really dangerous stuff… I then did some other stupid stuff at my apartment building that wasn’t violence but kind of…
Idk if I should got to the MH hospital to get a med change or just keep taking my gabapentin… I don’t feel out of control now but my free will during the strong emotions was at zero …
I’m not bro… I just wish I could see clearly when the emotions hit. I turn into a different person sometimes… I think I’m a time bomb but may I will find a way before I really mess up…or somebody hurts me …ya know?
If you are afraid of being a danger to others, I do think the hospital is the most appropriate place for you. They’ll be able to help you get your meds straightened out so that you’re not so angry from paranoia anymore . I hope you feel better soon. It’s no fun being angry.
I would get some help from a doc dude… Sounds like you’re going through a rough patch. You’re a tough dude brother! But sometimes it takes bravery to say “ok I need help”. Wishing you health family
You are asking if you need to be in the hospital. Your mental health issues just almost made you homeless. They might make you arrested. They might make you injure someone you love, by the sounds of it. You were lucky enough to regain insight this time before any of those severe consequences occur. That doesn’t happen for everyone. The healthiest thing you can do for yourself right now is take advantage of that insight and seek emergency care.
It is not your fault that you have these struggles. Losing insight is terrifying. You didn’t ask to be sick. But you do have an opportunity to take back some control by making a proactive step in your treatment. Even if it doesn’t solve everything, it will display to your loved ones that you care about them and are trying your best to make sure your symptoms don’t cause harm to them.
