I had an in-depth conversation with my boyfriend earlier tonight about my issues which led to my bringing up how I feel stuck in the past and he asked why I don’t pursue that further in therapy - I mused on that for a little bit and reached the conclusion that maybe I’m resistant to change when it comes to transitioning to existing mostly in the present.
There’s also the issue of my being somewhat resistant to therapy despite having been helped by it. I’m very stubborn and it took a lot of work to get anywhere in altering my thought patterns by even a smidge.
I know there’s hope for my feeling so much better than I do now if I’ll only risk a little temporary discomfort along the way. I don’t want things from years ago occupying 70% of my thoughts anymore.
I ended up promising my boyfriend I’d work harder in therapy but man oh man I know I am in for a ride and I can’t exactly say I’m thrilled about that lol.
Just had to get this out, I guess. Thanks for reading!
That’s so true. There’s this fear I have, however irrational it might be, that I’ll become an entirely different person if I manage to rid myself of my baggage. Change is rarely something I’m comfortable with.
I’m sorry you’re struggling…life changes constantly…when I was really down once I said, dad, I just want it to stop…and he said, “It never stops !” and that hit home…hope you adjust to change the way you feel comfortable…
oh yes, I have finally made it to happy town…back then, I was suicidal, without hope or unconsolable…then one day I found a new AP and I had hope again…ever since I’ve been happy traveling all over the country, first to florida then to arizona looking for love…got married, got divorced, got a new girlfriend five years ago and she is still with me. I am poor but I am happy with what I have not what I don’t have…
That’s awesome! I’m glad things have gotten so much better for you.
I found a good antidepressant for me that’s taken the edge off my depression so I’ve been embracing life more, too. Sometimes I slide back into the pit of doom like I kinda did tonight… but I bounce back a lot more quickly now.
Therapy helps as long as you get on with the person and feel u can open up. I’m looking forward to doing some of that in the near ish future. My self esteem is really getting me down.i also want to interpret some of my psychosis themes with them. I’m sure they’ll have some good professional perspectives to share. It’s tough to change thought patterns when they have been there long time. I find writing things down helps to materialise thoughts better. Do you write stuff down?
I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that and I wish you the best with getting to a better place.
I used to write stuff down; I have a whole notebook filled with stuff about my psychosis and general day-to-day life somewhere. It did help me to get it all out in writing and I’m not sure why I stopped. I think taking up writing again between therapy sessions so as to have something to show my therapist during sessions would really help a lot. Thank you for the idea!
Your dad had a point lol, life just seems to be challenge after challenge. I hope you’ve managed to feel better since then.