So yesterday i was sitting there possessed as usual.
And the demon in my head showed me my hand and what it really looks like.
It was less of a hand and more like a pig-like human claw.
It was an animal hand, some mix of claw and advanced appendage.
All residual self image was gone and it was one of the ugliest goddamn things i had ever seen in my life.
I am an ugly creature to be honest.
I’m sorry you had that experience. I doubt you are ugly at all. That’s just your delusions talking.
Self medicating I’d put it down to.
I think perhaps that we non-schizophrenics often do not really see our own hands. Adam Smith was not being metaphorical when he said that they are usually invisible. In one of my only two experiments comparing those with schizophrenia with those who do not have schizophrenia I found, to my surprise, that SZs knew the size of their own hands, whereas non SZs routinely under-estimated the size of their own hands. For a long time I did not understand why.
I now think that this is because non schizophrenics have a self image based upon what they see in mirrors, and mirror images are small. (I am always really surprised to find just how small mirror images are when I take a marker pen and draw around my image in a mirror. Moving away, and just looking at the marker pen silhouette, I am surprised at how tiny the marker pen silhouette is)
The other experiment was with self-photography. All subjects given a “disposable” camera and asked to take 20 photos that represent themselves. All subjects took photos of things, such as things that they like or eat, however the schizophrenics took pictures of those things while they were holding them, or taken by others that showed themselves just as a torso, whereas non schizophrenics were always careful to include their head in all photos. Again, I think that this is due to the fact that self-image as (idealise, small) mirror image is strong in non-schizophrenics were as of course realistic self body views do not include a head.
(There was also a tendency for schizophrenics to take photos that were non symmetrical with a focus on one side of the frame, the other side empty. I can’t remember which side.)
@timtak, this is a peer support forum for people with schizophrenia or a closely related psychotic disorder. Could you tell me why you’re here?
I saw TWO of my hands today. They were hideous. Weird fleshy things with 5 cylindrical appendages that could wiggle around growing out of it. Some sort of smooth flat covering on each that grows continuously. Absolutely bizarre and gross.
It must be a weird position for moderators when schizophrenic users refuse to acknowledge their diagnosis… to believe them or not to believe them, that is the question. 
Because I used to be psychotic and still see the world in fundamentally the same was as I did when I was psychotic (I can go into the details via PM) but here I find other people who seem to see the world in a similar way, and they tell me more about it. I have unusual beliefs and that makes me feel lonely.
[quote=“NoEmotions, post:7, topic:72860”]schizophrenic users refuse to acknowledge their diagnosis [/quote] Would you be referring to me? I don’t hear voices. This seems to be important in the diagnosis of schizophrenia but I am not sure. Some one in my head told me something, but he did it wordlessly. I can remember when people spoke with their faces and I felt I was being stalked by the devil. I don’t feel that way any more at all. But I think I will again because think (s)he/it is still here.
Tim
So you’ve only had a psychotic episode once and never again? Did you ever see a doctor or anything? If you still have odd beliefs and whatnot maybe you should get checked. My psychosis is episodic but I still have symptoms when not in an episode they are just more mild and manageable. I do not get auditory hallucinations (hear voices) either and several people on here don’t. A few don’t have any hallucinations at all but still have an sz diagnosis due to delusions, paranoia or other things!
Yes only the once. And I never saw a doctor about it but I have worked with psychiatrists since and explained all that I experienced.
Tim
But self realization can make true beauty and the beast is ALWAYS caged with learned discipline. Don’t give up pans, I once chased Halle Berry into a dimly lit nursery and my hands were horrible looking claws. But the cast of lord of the rings came out and helped her escape…
Damned legolas, I almost got to chase her down.
Yes (s)he/it is here…muwahahahahahahahahahah
@jukebox
What don’t you believe?
@neveragain
Thanks but that song is not to my taste. This song or rather the video is well… I knew a schizophrenic that loved David Bowie but he never told me why. Then, bingo.
@timtak I don’t believe you are schizophrenic and therefore don’t belong here…Shame on you for encouraging us to believe our delusions.
I see. I do want to encourage anyone to believe a delusion, but I understand your point of view, and see why from that point of view, I should feel ashamed. I will reflect on that, and only speak only in the unlikely event that I am spoken to. I am sorry if I have distressed anyone in anyway. The folks here made me feel much better.Thank you m(._.)m
Tim
It’s not a delusion, we’re drastically horrendous half animal beings the sight of which will make you vomit.
You’ll never see anything uglier than yourself.
@timtak, you can’t use this place as somewhere to explore unusual beliefs, meet up with people who share your beliefs, or to try your beliefs out on a new audience. This is a forum for people with schizophrenia or a closely related disorder who are trying to get well, and unfortunately, your loneliness doesn’t excuse you attempting to interfere with that - even if another member addresses you first.
What you’re doing is like showing up at an AA meeting with a few bottles of vodka, because you like to drink and you know that alcoholics have that in common with you. It is selfish and inappropriate.
If you want to explore and entertain your unusual beliefs, you’ll need to find another venue to do so. This forum can’t be everything to everybody, and your intentions run directly counter to our purpose.
Dear Rhubot
I am sorry my behaviour was inappropriate. It is your, the moderators forum. I will henceforth refrain from posting to this forum (including PMs) even if I am addressed.
With apologies,
Tim