Iāve had teachers call me prolific writerās, thatās what my parents called me too but going back to my other thread the other day, I donāt take compliments well. Well I was reading my book, and I was very impressed by my writing. Iāve come to the conclusion Iām a great writerā¦but I oftentimes lack inspiration/organization/concentration.
Maybe if I had those things I could pump out a book yearly. But alas I wrote my first book in 2015 my second in 2016 and none since. I might have written another novella thatās decent but Iād have to check.
Maybe he has half a soul after all, but I doubt it.
Chapter 15 Psychosis
Summer began and I was mad at Christopher for the āegoā thing. I know he had made my life more difficult for me, and I began to separate myself from him. I still hung out with Mike though. In fact more than ever. Even though I was messed up and he was against drugs besides weed for the most part, he didnāt hold it all that against me. He was selling pot with his friend Dana and I helped them out. He didnāt have a car so I gave him rides into the city to buy weed. I got a job working for a construction company which my mom helped me get. And I signed up for the summer version of English 201 back at Iona College. My professor ended up being the cruelest lady Iāve ever come encounter with in my entire life. She all but had it in for me. She messed with me beyond belief. And my boss at work messed with me too. I started to see the therapist Jeff again and I asked for a prescribed medication from his accompanying doctor that he worked with. I was prescribed an antidepressant for anxiety and depression, which was my original diagnosis. It wasnāt long until I was fired from my job for stealing expired oxycontin and percocet pills from the bathroom at the house we were working at. And it wasnāt long until I had to drop out of the class that I was in. I started taking the antidepressant and it made me crazier than ever. It was the reason later in the summer I was diagnosed with schizoaffective and not schizophrenia, because people with schizoaffective disorder canāt handle anti-depressants, while schizophrenics can typically handle some anti-depressants. My 20th birthday came and I looked at Veronicaās facebook and it said under āEducationāā¦it said āTransferringā as she updated her profile picture to a crazed and confused looking picture. I knew it was a shot at me and I was the reason she was transferring, but still it broke my heart. I began abusing the anti-depressant because I felt it gave me insight even though it was really making me psychotic. I went through the whole script in about 13 days. When I took 3 pills instead of my prescribed one per day, I stayed up all night and sent continuous insane texts to that girl Grace who lived in a neighboring town. I saw bugs crawling up the walls and hallucinated like crazy when this happened. I hung out with Christopher a few more times, but he only screwed with me some more. I started to have flashbacks to my LSD trip and I woke up from nightmares every single night. I was suffering from PTSD as well as schizophrenic symptoms.
Mike moved to Brooklyn, New York City, only to leave me with no friends since Christopher refused to hang out with me after I stole his car one day. Well I didnāt really steal his car, but I lost the keys in the process. Well the story goes that we were at the soccer field and he put his keys down on the sideline, and I jacked the keys and took the car for a joyride. Then I parked his car next to mine, got in mine, and tossed the keys on the sidewalk in front of him for him to never find. After all, I was very psychotic, and his dad told him not to hang out with me any longer. The new Eminem album came out and I could really relate to the song āTalkin 2 myselfā. After all I was talking to myself and the rest of the lyrics really resonated with me as well. Finally the Doctor saw the antidepressant was making me worse than it was helping me, and put me on an anti-psychotic medication, which just made me more psychotic. I was so psychotic that I needed three antipsychotics, instead of just one at this point! I still bought weed and my therapist Jeff gave me a drug test, insisting that my marijuana was laced, but it showed up with nothing but THC. The oxycontin and percocet pills that I tried doing didnāt work because they were expired and it all seemed like a giant waste. The psychosis is unexplainable, unfathomable and confusing as hell. I just remember forgetting how to walk, talk and a two sentence text message took me half an hour to write. I thought I had āsolved the mysteryā on countless occasions and went for long drives that made me cry the entire way. I was acting very strangely on all accounts and finally on July 1st, of 2010, I showed up to my therapy session stoned on marijuana and had the cops called on me. Jeff ratted me out I thought, but it was for the greater good even if I didnāt think so at the time. I was hearing voices and felt like a man inside of me was controlling me. Then I was rushed to the E.R. in an ambulance.
I arrived at the hospital and I was pretty crazy.
@anon73425833 hereās an excerpt from my book. Thereās a lot of references to my dual diagnosis, so people triggered easily by drugs and psychosis shouldnāt read. But my sister is drawing the cover to the book and I wanna work on itā¦it wonāt be available till probably after my June 5 birthday. Hereās the excerpt nevertheless!!
Writing can be very therapeutic, I have just written my paper notebooks since 1999, in the past I had separate notebooks for my diaries, intelligence observations and intelligence knowledge. These are all paper notebooks I started writing. I had auditory hallucinations on the voice of Bill Clinton in the summer of 1999 āwrite a bookā, āput a pen downā, but I chose not to write digitally, I know I was very paranoid at the time.
I find poetry to be especially therapeutic, but thatās just me. Iām probably better at book/story writing then poetry writing, but I like poetry writing better I think
This is pretty good! And itās okay, IMO, to āblow your own horn.ā The more you advertise yourself, the more people will believe in you. You need only keep up your belief in yourself to be able to write. Confidence is key. Iāll be in your rooting section, too.
The best parts of the story is itās relatable but taboo/risky/cunning at this point in history. It also although mostly true, follows a very good beginning, middle and end. With a real easy to understand climax. Like all the things they taught us in 5th grade writing it adheres to, while at the same time being experimental. And thank you borath you are great
Iāve never read the classic I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, about depression. Is there a classic in your genre you use for a yardstick? And youāre welcome
My book, flunky, now death by enlightenment was based on junkie by William S Burroughs
I read that, it was very depressing story, everything seems to go wrong for him, and the end is dark, mine is more comedic, nevertheless kind of dark as well, both are semi autobiographical. But yeah mostly Iām inspired by beatniks, New Age, philosophers, hippies.
Junky was my biggest inspiration and the Don Juan character in Carlos castenada books was a big inspiration as well, moreso for my other book though.
Think Iām going to try reading Novelas, I read every night but never consecutive story. I read here I read there, different books different platforms. Shroomery.org/ philosophy and spirituality sections of their forum help my creativity a lot.
Writing is a 24/7/365 job to me. And nothing beats the abject of having experience
And writing on the internet almost my whole life has helped me for sure! This forum helps my writing ļø
I journal all day. Also I blog when I think Iāve got something usable. At that point, I copy and paste to WordPress or to here. The difficulty for me is the way stuff comes to me in fragments. Recently Iāve wanted to write literary criticism of some of my fave poets from Romanticism and modernism; say, Percy Bysshe Shelley and Wallace Stevens, etc. But thereās little point in doing that unless Iām in grad school, which Iām notā¦ but hereās hoping to more good fortune for both of us, and to continuing writing no matter what. I too benefit from this site.
All day long I say to myself, āthat would be great to writeā, then I forget it later.
If only I had a tape recorder for my most important thoughtsā¦ Iād be gold
I donāt journal daily but I should! I write poetry Daily which is helpful, but Iād like to start journaling too!
When I wrote my books, I was very inspired. Theyāre both about 40,000 words, one a little less one little more. I Call it binge writing because I go a while with writers block then all of a sudden it hit me and I wrote about 10-15k words per day until I was finished.
I donāt know if you can still buy micro-cassette recorders, but there must be a digital equivalent now. If speech-to-text is a way that helps, you might try that?
I think Iām a pretty good writer too. Now whether Iām a āgreatā writer or not, well, that is another story. I may or may not be. Thatās not for me to say.
I really think Iām a better writer than I am at organizing my thoughts and focusing often. If I could do thatā¦or do it againā¦I could be āprolificā, truly. The poetry helps because poetry is from the heart ļø
I read in a book about writing books that āif you donāt write every day, writing a book will beat you quicker than booā those words always stuck with me. I wish you well you indeed seem like a great writerā¦I was a prolific writer before I got sick and was working on a novel that was lost when I became delusionalā¦it was fictionā¦then I wrote my autobiography and self published itā¦my mistake is I went anonymous on my book so I couldnāt do book signings. my bad. Anyways, good luckā¦
For the record guys, the passage I postedā¦ It doesnāt really do the story justice. I just took a random passage anything I could find really. But itās the essence of the whole story combined together that makes the book enjoyable.
Iām just excited because I wrote this 18 months ago and just now I realize itās good!
borath you are great 
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