We all get in ruts in life, bad patterns of stagnating in what we wish for ourselves, schizophrenic or not. But specifically I have read the posts where people get in bad living situations that they can’t get out of (they think) or jobs where you want to leave but changing jobs seems impossible (BTDT).
I think there is an old saying or a movie title that goes, “Nothing is Forever”. A year ago I was in a group home called a board & care home. I won’t get into my long story about how I got there but the basics are that two years ago my mom died. I was devastated of course and it shook me. At the same time I was having serious back pain. I could barely move without serious pain and I was missing a lot of work. Also at that time I got asked to leave from a house where I was renting a room.
The result was that I got suicidal and I entered a psyche ward after not being hospitalized since 1990. It was quite a blow to my life and my ego. And it caused me to have to quit college. I also couldn’t drive my car. Most of this happened in the space of two weeks. Pretty discouraging, right? So after living independently in “normal” society (now there’s an oxymoron) since 1995 I ended up in the board & care home (group home).
I had to share a tiny room with some 26 year old kid who had spent 8 months living on the streets at one point. We liked each other most of the time but as two grown adult strangers who came from vastly different backgrounds things got pretty contentious at times. We got mad at each other, maybe tried to scare or intimidate each other. But we also had a lot of laughs and learned from each other.
My sisters were helping me get back on my feet but my future was doubtful and my middle sister laid all the cards out on the table and finally told me, “You better be prepared to live there for the rest of your life.” She wasn’t being mean, she was being realistic. With my problems I had I knew she was right.
Theoretically I wanted to be independent again but I couldn’t see living alone again like I did for six years. My mental health issues, my personality issues, my age (56), my physical issues, my money situation, my past, all conspired to prove that she was most likely correct. It was a sobering fact to face, after living independently for 20 years.
But I have read on here other people who basically had resigned their fate, like I had. Some people accepted to not getting jobs, never living independently. Stuck. So there I was. Well, things change. I spent 15 months in that tiny room in the board & care. Then the owners kicked most people out including me because of a policy change. I moved down the street to a new board & care owned by the same .people.
It was hell sometimes there with my disease acting up and annoying fellow tenants and just several people who were real, real as*holes. Then after 4 months the owners did the same thing and told most of us to leave. It could have ended badly, but my case worker found an opening in an apartment building they ran. So here I am!! I’ve been here 4 months in an excellent. mostly clean, quiet apartment, just only having to share it with one other person.
There’s plenty of space and I have my room set up with my TV, my printer, my furniture, and some nice knick-knacks. I could never have predicted this. I hope I made my point clear. Life will throw you a curve ball when you least expect it but sometimes things just work out. I was so sure I would never live this independently again but here I am.
Sometimes so-called permanent situations can turn on a dime and turn out good. And not only that, two years ago I was ready to quit my job. I have my back problems and nagging fatigue and my memory took a serious hit a few years ago. I told my sister I was quitting because my memory was so bad that the boss had to keep repeating instructions every time he wanted me to do something and I would walk away and forget what he said when I was twenty feet away. I thought I was a detriment to the company and I didn’t want to let them down and my chronic fatigue made me take twice as long to do things as it should normally have taken.
So I was prepared to quit. I told my older sister and she talked me out of it. So I didn’t quit and now it’s three years later. The bosses have seen me at my worse and kept me on. And even better a year after my hospitalization and two years since my mom died I actually won the “Employee of the Year Award”!! (life’s crazy). So I was convinced I would never work again and I would be stuck in that tiny room but in a round-about way, my life has worked out and here I am.