Idk, nothing isnt fine here. I need two things to get better - to recover on thinking and to regain positive emotions. I think that thinking and emotions are linked in fact, isnt it? I still ruminate a lot in an autistic way, lonely way…
My doc keeps saying it takes years for meds to work. I am not sure if i can believe her 
. But maybe its true cause big part of my symptoms is caused by my loneliness and not by pure madness…
But since a teenager i started to have these repetitive thoughts in my thinking, like buggings on the information if you see…
But gosh, how i miss the lift of the positive emotions and to feel my brain more “open” like and not compressed as it is now… tell me there is hope, tell me my patience will pay one day please 
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My solution to a compressed mind is to build a house as big as the irish parliament and place in the middle of a 10,000 acre plot of grassland…
That way, I can make all the noise I want and they’ll be no one around to make me feel compressed because of it mwahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaa - well, mostly because I only started feeling compressed and non positive emotional because I started believing my thoughts were always disturbing other people’s minds… kinder like the way they speak to me… was an awful thing to do, cause it was being done to me, so I couldn’t stand doing it + where the hell would I go? so that was the solution.
Anyways, on a serious note… I observed the compression/emotions are a direct reaction of the thoughts in other minds perception… without it, most schizophrenics would just be super serious all the time with a insane dislike of hearing voices… but the belief of our voices in other people minds creates a different reaction from the serious/capable of understanding own emotions, that should happen to a schizophrenic who just hears voices/hallucinations but doesn’t believe the voices are going to other people heads
your hope… careless about the voices you think are getting to people’s heads. yea, also noticed once that kind of thinking starts, it’s hard to get rid of… I heard voices for 5 months before I started thinking it was getting to peoples heads… before the people heads hearing; I was always hearing voices, but I somehow learned to merge it with my heart and started speaking based on the voices, heck… I could speak for a whole hour and you’d be listening for the full hour… but somehow after I started believing the voices were disturbing other people’s minds… it was like my heart just became other people, I was always focused on the idea and thus I started becoming compressed/ emotion issue
@Anna1 The saddest thing about it… and this was completely rational to me at the time, and I quote from my thoughts at the time… ‘’ I’ll just stay in this room and reduce the voices a bit, then I’ll go talk to them and tell them how it started’’ hahaha… basically my emotions were reacting to it as if it was real… thus the compressed mind issue you talking about - it’s a reaction to that belief system// but after a while, you realize who you gonna go talk to? it’s not them… and that’s the scary part - who is it then if not them? but still, there’s peace when it’s anything else but neighbours…