I feel as though my personal experience of madness is different than others’ at least from the inside vs. outside. I miss some aspects of it. I don’t miss all of it. I don’t miss making loose associations, but not all the connections were unrelated to each other.
I believe that schizophrenia is a genetic adaptation that makes people capable of altering timelines and manifesting their beliefs, and if it were seen as a Gift and not a disease more people would realize this is a Gift that has hidden potential which we are shunning and ignoring as a societal whole.
It seems that a certain amount of “rational” norms must be shed in order to obtain the awakening of schizophrenia. The Ego itself has to be questioned, and for people with schizophrenia our Ego dissolves first, and we begin to manifest our thoughts or unconscious beliefs so rapidly that it becomes distressful. We begin to lose context of what we can manifest, the difference between external and internal reality.
Consciousness itself is a mystery. But I really think Ego death, attachments, imagination all of it plays a role in how our symptoms come into play. My perspective was that if I deprogrammed myself from Mainstream ideas that I would never recover that I could and without anti-psychotics. I was successful at that for a few years, but due to financial strain and stress I’m back with my parents.
Financial/poverty and society/perspective all lead into this schizophrenic system.
The “Gift” of perspective never caused anyone to become violent. I guess if the reality you were confronted with were ugly and miserable many would detach and become psychotic. Maybe “Ego” death is just that, shredding all the attachments of reality being that it’s an illusion, and then you are confronted with what is at the core. The solid harsh truth. Many people believe they are rational, and actually they wouldn’t know the difference either.
Think of it like this: if everyone believed the sky were blue and it was really green. That one person would have no idea. What if I was the only person who saw the sky for what it really was and everyone else just saw the same thing and thought it was schizophrenia? How do I know that I’m actually schizophrenic if I am only going on the basis of what it’s called at the surface?
Many of my paranoid delusions at the beginning had some basis right? So what is unconscious mind hiding from me, that I don’t remember when I’m on anti-psychotics or medicated? Is this a type of programming or brainwashing that keeps me in this cycle of believing that I’m mentally ill to suppress a hidden reality or secret to do with the entire meaning of life? So it’s like the government steals your mind from you in order to suppress the very thing Jesus Christ died for.
The only time I have ever had command hallucinations I was heavily medicated on anti-psychotics. So what does that say about it? The only medication that works for me goes against the dopamine hypothesis. I take Abilify which is a dopamine agonist. That’s the complete opposite of Seroquel which blocks dopamine. And Geodon and Risperdal were medications that made me hallucinate. They caused epileptic seizures and induced hallucinations. So I don’t know if schizophrenia even exists? Or if its a condition that’s being created by the pill companies.
Truth / facts do matter don’t they? I mean even if Trump had me under surveillance and I was being unfairly targeted because they think I’m delusional, I made some points. I am 100 percent aware that I am psychic. I find out secret information easily. That’s why I’ve been targeted my whole life. I’m also the bloodline of Mary Magdelene.
Do I believe these things because I have schizophrenia? Why can’t I just erase my experiences? If I erased them would I no longer believe that I was haunted my a spectre ghost that I recently exorcised from my house?
I never talk about my thoughts because people just will say I’m crazy. I know they’re called fixed delusions but I can’t fix them. I know that there was a ghost and it really bothers me. I can’t forget all that paranormal stuff neither can I explain it. The AI the vortex the electrical glitches and bi-location.
I keep thinking it was either a psiop or alien abduction or I was the victim of a cult ritual at boarding school. They erased two days from me, there’s two days I don’t remember but I know I had two flashbacks: a party drinking beer, a boy and the empty room we’re sitting in the back and no one is around, screaming, the bullies…
the red streak in the sky
The teacher saying aliens had visited the school
The knocking from inside the closet and the sleeping pills my roommate gave me.
Why can’t anyone ever help or even hear me when I bring it up? They always forget I even said it. It’s like I was under spiritual attack.
I can’t explain anything, and just because reality gets messed up is not a precursor to violence.
I thought I was from the bloodline from Adam to Abraham to Jesus who also had children. That was a terrible delusion and only meds was able to break that spell.
I hear you on the ego. My ego was so shattered it felt like it lost all elasticity… If you understand when I explain it that way.
The ego negotiate for us a place between the superego and the id in an attempt to find the ego ideal.
For me the ego ideal is where we find consciousness… Not in a fallen or broken ego.
I have had uncountable philosophies on this but decided to abstain from it because it fueled my delusions in my pre-medicated days.
I can relate to some of your delusions. I’m also on Abilify
I have had several experiences of being in the presence of those who have passed away, both before and after schizophrenia.
I have also sensed the intelligent presence of trees, though I don’t consider these delusions, merely experiencing something from another level and perspective
I’m not exactly sure what you are saying because I’m not that smart, but at one point I believed that sz was a term made up as a cover for people that were gifted and chosen, I still have my suspicions but I’ll never truly know, I miss feeling like I was chosen on a special mission, but for me it was also like a never ending bad drug trip, as much as I hate meds and what they’ve done to my health I don’t miss multiple nights without sleep and mental hospitals, multiple god command voices extreme paranoia. I think there is more to sz than what modern medicine and pharmacies tell us but I have no proof other than my hindered mind.
I think pharmaceutical companies, as well as psychiatrist are only concerned with bringing symptoms under control. They really don’t know what causes it, or at least their information seems to be sketchy at best
I probably didn’t phrase this topic right. I think anyone can be enlightened or reach higher levels of consciousness regardless of whether or not they suffer from a psychotic disorder. Sorry guys for the negative topic, I hope I didn’t upset or trigger anyone.