I may have it and wanna catch it at the very beginning. Need an estimation

Hi there, I’m 21 and I really worry about what’s going on with me. I apologize for my mistakes in advance, English is not my native language.

First off I recently was told that my father (who I’ve never seen) was a schizophrenic. Here are some things bothering me now even more.
When I was a kid, I have had a big trouble remembering and recognizing people’s faces. It was easier with adults, but almost all kids of my age were looking the same. Now it is almost gone as a problem, because I’ve got used to force myself to pay attention to specific face features. But in fact to me it’s easier to identify people by their gestures than faces.
I can never answer questions correctly. I mean, I always give the answer, but it’s not what they expected to hear. When the question is about general, I speak about particular and vice versa. When they ask me about some details, I tell about completely different things, and rarely guess the purpose of the question. I also have a schizophrenic in my hood and his questions seem very clear to me, so we understand each other pretty well.
I want to mention here some characteristics that are not necessarily related to schizophrenia, but just to draw a full picture: I’ve been an introvert since early childhood, life changed that, but I still prefer being alone to anyone’s company. I’m a very artistic soul, I write poems (and invent neologisms… bad sign?), draw a lot, even make music (when nobody hears :slight_smile: ) and so on. Used to have good marks at school, very keen on studying no matter what. So I’m kind of functional yet withdrawn. When I contact to people, it’s always too hard to predict their reaction to my words, I may insult anyone when I didn’t mean it (I actually never mean it). I can’t see the fine line between humor and black humor, it’s always been so hard to decide what is acceptable to say in public.
And, finally, the worst thing that made me think I’m really a mental… I’ve been through severe depression for two years due to bulimia and self-confidence problems, but it turned into a horrible experience. more than just ‘feeling depressed’. I wouldn’t get out of apartment, because as soon as I reached the first crossroad on my way, there were a lot of busy people walking to work, universities etc., but I have had paranoid thoughts that they’re all going to come up to me and insult, and judge… so many times I couldn’t get through it and just turned back home. There were so many conflicts with my neighbours, I used to steal things, I guess, just to feel something, because I was buried in dark apathy and had no feelings. Even suicidal thoughts were desireable to me, because it would mean I wanted something. I was getting out of it all by myself, for some reasons, and for six months I’ve got stuck in flashbacks of all the bad episodes in this part of life, with my neighbours an other things. It could be triggered by someone’s words, sounds, smells. Just a cold shower of bad emotions, nothing like visuals or hearing hallucinations, but it was very unpleasant.
I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting and a bit shocked by some new information about my dad, do you think it’s developing schizophrenia? Should I worry about it?Or see the doctor?
Please, any answer appreciated! If you want more information, just ask! Peace!

did you get diagnosed by a doctor? what medication do you take?

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no, I didn’t, that’s why I’m asking. I don’t know where’s the right point to say “I do need a doctor”. I didn’t take any medications except some biologically active supplement with tryptophan which probably had a placebo effect but it worked for a while… I don’t take anything right now

We’re not doctors here and can’t diagnose you unfortunately. You need to speak to a real doctor if you’re worried.

sure it’s not possible to diagnose through messages, I guess I’m looking for people with similar situations, and how and when they decided to see a doctor… it’s hard to trust unknown people even with medicinal degree, and I’m not sure if it’s a critical situation…

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