I like living alone. Should I change the situation?

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I am ambivalent about moving in with my friend. She needs me to refinance her house with her and help her pay her mortgage payments. She is in desperate financial straits. (We would be co owners of the house then).

I love her house. She has a gorgeous house and I love it but, I also love living in my own space and having my own place to come home to.

To be honest, she is ambivalent about me moving in as well. She said she doesn’t know if she can tolerate my bouts of paranoia. I’m not as worried about that as she is because I know that I’m not near as paranoid anymore as I used to be.

I don’t know if I can tolerate her frequent bouts of irritability to be honest. Occasionally is fine but on a frequent, day to day basis? I don’t know.

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Ok you guys. Your silence has helped me to make up my mind. It’s a no go.

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I hesitated to respond because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. You’ve been on a roller coaster with this woman, and you have gotten hurt before multiple times. Co-owning a home is a HUGE step to take when you two haven’t managed to make your relationship work even in the short-term. I don’t want to see you in trouble if you two can’t get along and suddenly there’s this big issue of the house to consider.

I wouldn’t do it if I were you. You have had more unhappiness than happiness with this woman, going by what you post here. The happiness only lasts for a few days at most, that’s not enough to justify making a commitment to own a home.

Sorry, don’t be mad at me! But I don’t think it’s a good idea.

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Considering you guys are so on again, off again I would say no,

Don’t move in with her.

You don’t need the responsibility of her mortgage and you enjoy living alone.

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And if she falls out with you then what? She could kick you out? Only move in with her, if your name is on the house deeds, or mortgage ownership thing.

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I didn’t want to say anything as well but since others have it’s a no brained! Do NOT do this! Your friendship would end in a bad way and you’d be stuck paying the bills, possibly ruining your credit! If she gets mad at you for not doing this then you will know she’s not a true friend and just using you! It sounds like that’s the case anyway! I can’t believe someone would even ask that of someone! It kinda makes me mad for you as I feel this woman has some hold/control over you and feels you might be a pushover when it comes to her! You seem like such a loyal friend to her and for her to want you to do all of this and then say she’s not sure if she can handle some of your issues is pretty crappy! The way you said you weren’t worried about how you would act makes me feel like you’re selling yourself short just to appease her. You get to refinance her home, pay the bills and walk on eggshells around her? Lucky you! Do you not see what she’s doing? I know you don’t want to be alone, but this isn’t the way mate! If you find yourself unable to say no, which I have a feeling you are at least do not refinance her home or put it in your name at all. If she really wants you there and not just your money, be like a roommate and just split the bills. Although this way means you’re not investing into anything at least you wouldn’t get completely screwed. I know this sounds harsh, but when it comes to her you see things through rose colored glasses!

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I would suggest you to move in but without financial commitment …don’t co own the house etc just first live with her to see if u both r livable

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I would only do it if me and her were equal owners and signers on the new mortgage so she COULDN’T kick me out.

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Sorry @SkinnyMe, it just doesn’t sound like you two are compatible living together if you dont know if you can handle each other.

I personally would rather have my own space than a roommate, and you may regret not having more privacy in the long run.

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Maybe if you had your own space to retreat to and made it clear that this space is not to be infringed upon. Like a place to go if you two argue or you just need some alone time.

It sounds like you two are on the outs a lot, I’m not familiar with your story here, but if that’s true it sounds like a bad idea.

I know you want to help a friend out but you have to look after yourself first. You dont want to be miserable in your living arrangement.

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I don’t think I’d be comfortable moving in and signing a mortgage with someone I wasn’t sure if it would flake out again…you guys could lose the house if one of you decided to buy out the other on mortgage…if you aren’t able to afford doing that with her I would say don’t do it.

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Since you are happy living on your own why change that?

Often when people live together their are arguments and sometimes they try to be controlling of one another.

Since you have had fights and fall outs with out even living together it might not be a good idea to jump in to such a thing too quickly.

I lived with my x boyfriend and his three dogs for two years.
It was the most loving peaceful home but in reality it was his.

He already owned the home and had no mortgage so we just shared bills 50/50.
We also paid 50/50 for renovations and new appliances like washing machine and water tank.

He did not accept me being a vegan so I said as long as I live in his house I will eat meat.i am a pushover always have been unfortunately.i wanted to keep the peace and sacrificed my own morals and beliefs in a way but it was a very loving happy peaceful home and I appreciate my time there with them.

Everything we bought together he got to keep .
Such as earth/soil, plants and trees, water tank, washing machine , flute, renovations etc

When I moved out I left all of it with him and gave him things that were mine too such as a water trof and fence etc that he can sell.

I love him and want us to remain friends and wanted to do the right thing by him.

I also paid bills up to the date I left and gave him a few hundred dollars or more extra on top of that.

He accepted me in bed most of the time as I told him from the start.
If he had of complained about me all the time it wouldn’t have lasted that long but he was very accepting of me apart from veganism …
Thanks to him I got better because he got me on a higher dose of medication.

He is such a great man and I adore him still but we didn’t have sex often (was platonic partnership in a way)(so then you may as well just be friends if your not having sex or having it great?)and I wanted a better home for my sacred neigh and to become vegan etc

Wishing you and your girlfriend a great relationship together but be careful about moving in together.

For her to sign half the house on to you is a huge thing as she’s paid mortgage all those years.

I was not signed to my x boyfriends place and there is no way I could have tried taking half his place nor would I want to and he could have kicked me out whenever.

It’s very generous of her if she puts half her place in your name.
That’s a lot of mortgage payments.

I guess if she’s in a financial difficulties she may have no choice.

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How about living with someone but not her? Someone with less emotional content. I found living alone gets you spoiled and unreal about the give and take that is required to get along in this world. The longer you stay alone, the more difficult it is to readjust to group living. Eventually you will have to if you grow as old as I have…:eyeglasses::apple:

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