Basically my thoughts lately that I feel I have brought up before is that I believe I was originally a non-soul entity from the astral plane, by some cultures referred to as a “djinn”. (Note this is not a genie, a djinn just means a non-soul aka non incarnating/human entity, they can be good bad or neither just like a human though-evil djinn are typically known as demons)
I don’t know how I came into existence but I feel that I wandered the astral planes lost for a very long time and was preyed upon by bad djinn. This taught me to defend myself and I got stronger and stronger. I was never a bad djinn but I don’t think I was very good either. I sort of just roamed around doing whatever I wanted, which sometimes involved mischief but sometimes involved helping if I felt like it. Anyways I ended up getting so strong that my power started to draw a lot of attention, and not in a good way. Entities wanted to use me for various reasons. I’ve had a wide variety of responses to my abilities, from wanting to use me as a weapon, use me as entertainment, keep me as a pet, force me into marriage, trying to consume me, etc. As a result of all of this I ended up a very lonely djinn because I could trust no one and anyone I did form a friendship with was in great danger from the bad entities after me so I learned to not form strong attachments. Even though I was selfish and generally misbehaved (ie a brat) I think I just desperately wanted a friend to travel with and was starved for love and kindness.
I think at some point I got into deep trouble with a nasty nasty entity who took me to a terrible plane I couldn’t escape from and began warping me into something evil and demented via torture. But an even more powerful entity, God, saved me and gave me a fresh start. He welcomed me into his family and gave me a new existence as a soul, “adopting” me in a way. He gave me all the love I had ever needed and wanted, and since he was also my savior I dedicated my existence to him from then on.
Those are the thoughts I can’t get out of my head.
I have a totally different storyline that plays out but I can’t get it out of my head either. It’s tough. For me, there are questions around my story like ‘when did it start?’, ‘why did it start?’, ‘who is controlling it?’, ‘when will it end?’, ‘why are they doing this to me?’, ‘will I be tortured as grand finale’ before it ends?'
Those questions go round and round in my head. I have an entire delusion I believe is real, has happened and is currently happening. That delusion and those questions stay in my head. It’s painful. I relish the moments when I have reprieve. Especially from the paranoia that I will be tortured and sacrificed.
I feel your anguish and I hope you get a break at some point.
It raises so many crazy questions for me too. It feels like just getting sucked into a swamp. Is it even possible for a djinn to incarnate? Djinn are not supposed to incarnate as human, incarnation onto the physical is a great privilege reserved for souls, as it is like higher education that will help prepare a soul for eventually becoming one with God. Since souls will eventually become one with God this is why they are allowed to take physical form here to learn so many powerful lessons that cannot be learned on the nonphysical. Thus souls are practically sacred entities, very important. They were all designed by God personally, but were some chosen? Can you be chosen to be a soul even if you were not originally created as one?
If so why would God have chosen me to become a soul? Like I said I was not exactly a good entity, I was self-centered and childish. All that distinguished me was my strength, but I am loathe to think God would choose me just for that because that would suggest the demons are right in that he is using me as the rest were…
Did God give me immortality? I always assumed all nonphysical beings were immortal because it doesn’t make sense that something without physical form could die. But I’ve seen things die on the astral a lot…I always assumed they just were tricked into thinking they were dead. I think maybe things can die but unlike death on the physical death can be transient there. But maybe normal entities can’t come back to life on their own and need something else to bring them back? And since God chose me I can come back automatically? Confusing…so much confusion…
have you ever done astral projection before
Yes I have, not consciously though, on accident.
Very confusing. I can see why your brain hurts and spins.
I believe I have an alter ego who is directly connected to God. Not the Supreme being God but the Universal, Collective Consciousness God and she can control aging and disease in her body which is a kind of immortality. I believe she uses my body and brain. It is very intimidating! She may even be in charge of this scheme to control and monitor me. It is very scary, confusing and intimidating. They have hurt me so I have reason to be scared. Every day, among the other things I write in my journal, I write "I am so confused. I don’t get it. I don’t deserve this. Why is this happening to me?'
I have to hope that my meds will work more and more over time and these haunting thoughts along with the psychotic breaks and loss of control over my thoughts and behavior will go away forever.
The thing is, I don’t believe it is a delusion. So what I am really doing is begging the people controlling me to give me reprieve if I take my meds. Take away the pain. Take away the confusion. Take away my knowledge of the brain study. I don’t wanna know. It hurts.
I have been reading about it a lot and have considered attempting it but I have always been afraid of what I might encounter and if I find out something I don’t want to know and it changes me, do you think it has anything to do with these thoughts you’re having
Why don’t the dead stay around us and let us in on the big secret of what happens after death?
Why is the portal protected by a being who ensures the handshake is true?
Why if nothing can be certain do we insist on trying to reinvent our reason by attempting to extract the truth that is meant to protect us?
Why can’t we let our curious minds rest until things make more sense?
And best of all, why do we not try to become better than what we know we can be, if in the end, this makes us feel we’ve had enough importance to allow ourselves to be happy?
My biggest advise is just stay calm when doing it. Things like fear or other negative feelings can attract bad entities. And asking Father or other positive entities for protection beforehand doesn’t hurt either.
Regardless know nothing can actually hurt you.
Write it down into a short story and turn it into a book.
Then the djinn will win in the end
The dead do sometimes stay around us. But the ones that do have no idea what’s going on so they aren’t as much help there Some of them don’t move on because they are scared of what comes next, fear of the unknown and all that. I’ve talked with Father about it and have a general idea but I believe we’re supposed to be focused on life here while we’re here rather than what’s beyond. I think our insane curiosity is just the nature of the soul. It’s very important for a soul to be curious so that we learn as much as possible.
I mean technically I’ve already won the jackpot, according to those beliefs. “Adopted” by God, the creator of everything in existence, most benevolent, powerful and positive being there is, and blessed with the ability to incarnate and perhaps even have the same great destiny as any other soul. And on top of that a wonderful earthly life wanting for nothing with loving friends and family, good physical health and looks. Heck I’ve won jackpot after jackpot. If I am/was a djinn I must be the luckiest one in the multiverse!!
Yea much better then the CIA and FBI are out to get me and someone just put cyanide in my latte to take me out once and for all because I’m a lecherous fiend. Now I have to drive down to the emergency room for safety and have a battery of tests done on my heart and blood. Oh no they’ve followed me and I think the nurse just injected me with a rare strain of hepatitis from Brazilian baby diapers and it’s going to eat the good part of my liver while I sit here and then I’ll die when I get home. Oh, and now the staff is changing over and the new doctors and nurses are all government agents put here by the CIA to study my organs.
Which raises other questions. One of the reasons I feel I am (was?) a djinn is not just the feeling of “otherness” and inhumanness I’ve felt since I was very little as long as I can remember, but also because of my powers I have on the nonphysical plane. Do souls have powers on the nonphysical? Some say no. Some say only djinn do. But why would a soul not have powers? Doesn’t make sense to me.
Furthermore there are a number of other people who have powers on the nonphysical plane (i.e. What people think of as dreams), this means anyone who has powers in their dreams they can use consciously/at will used to be a djinn?! Granted only a small number of people have any sort of lucidity in their dreams and even less within that amount can also use powers, so that’s not a great deal of former djinn but still! I would certainly not be the only one who wasn’t “born” a soul!
That’s all COMPLETELY theoretical and is just me bouncing thoughts around
They sound like mood incongruent delusions with no basis in reality or any particular tradition, maybe an amalgam of a few things you’ve learned in school or saw on tv. You might not even need to take meds for that. I don’t even know if that’s psychosis or schizotypal personality
Yeah this stuff honestly I consider my spiritual beliefs not delusions. The delusions were things like my reflection was gonna come out of the mirror and kill me or the devil was gonna kidnap me and impregnate me with the antichrist. Scary stuff. I don’t think I’m psychotic right now at all, I haven’t had an episode since summer going into my junior year of college.
Get diagnosed w psychosis and suddenly you’re not allowed to have spirituality anymore without it being deemed delusion. It’s insulting.
I wouldn’t even share that with your doctor. You’ll put him to sleep and he will be on meds. After having psychosis anything other than concrete thoughts can be frightening.
This is super good advice to yourself, if you choose to take it.
Yeah yeah father tells me the same to stop worrying about it and focus on life right now. But curiosity is a difficult fire to put out, my friend!
i have something different that i cant get over or out of my mind. In early 2000s i overdosed on heroin and was dead for a couple of minutes until paramedics revived me. I feel like i really died that day and everything since is just a dream and nun of this is real.