I just don't understand

Why would someone have to be put through a life with sz? Why would God allow such a disease?

It’s of little consolation but I don’t know either.

If telepathy really exists, whats the point? We aren’t supposed to use it to communicate anyway, voices of people I think about just say I’m evil and to shut up.

I don’t get it.

The answer that makes the most sense is that it is not real. But it feels real and that is enough to mess with my head and fill it with anxieties.

Know someone cares.

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Do you just think about someone and you’re like automatically connected to talking to them telepathically? Hope that question makes sense.

It sounds like you are going through something a lot like I am.

My experience is like, just thinking about a person, not even words, they can tell and they tell me to shut up or stop it.

In my “delusions” I can talk to any person with my thoughts and they can hear it. My parents can hear my thoughts regardless if I am thinking about them or not.

This has resulted in me trying not to think anymore, at least not about people, but to quiet my mind in general. I don’t know if this will reduce the voices or not but I figure it will at least reduce my anxieties of thinking something bad and having others “hear” it.

My dr has consistently told me that it isn’t real, to not listen to the voices, to ignore the voices. But it was weird today when I saw him. He said the same things but when I was thinking in my mind “ok I have to do this” I heard him say ■■■■■■■■ (I wasn’t looking at him and don’t know if his mouth moved). He also quickly went into them not being real so maybe I just misinterpreted him saying ■■■■■■■■.

IDK, I grew up not hearing any voices, not God’s either, don’t know about you…

At about 30 I had my first psychotic episode.

You literally just explained what I go through. Holy ■■■■ nobody’s ever done that before. I try to not think about people so I don’t bother them. Which is hard for me. I accidentally think about people like my ex or my boss at work and I’m like ■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■ they can hear me now. I live with my great grandparents and they can hear me whenever they chose. Which is all the time which really irritates me. They shouldn’t have access to my mind and thoughts whenever they chose. “Oh I’m bored, what’s Allie thinking about?” Excuse you??!

I also have a lot of difficulty in thinking about others. Some days I just get very obsessive thoughts.

I read that trying not to think about a person makes it more likely that you will.

Instead you need to focus on something else, something that grounds you. I still suck at it but that’s what I’ve heard.

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I see it as a gift from God. But they say I have religious what is it called I forget… But my voices are spirits I have to watch over until they can cross over. Yes, I know my response belongs in Unusual Beliefs. - I am religious, I grew up southern baptist and there are many religions that discuss these things. Science just can’t prove any of it yet… we are ahead of the times of science.

I know what you guy’s are talking about, I’ve experienced it too. I don’t even have to say a name, just someone from my past crosses my mind and bam their in my head. Not always, the most familiar leave me alone. My ex whatever…we almost got married even though it didn’t make any sense to age wise, I once found her obituary online just out of nowhere. A few days later I hear the voice of her mother in my head tell me “you said her name too much” Jesus…I don’t know.

I also grew up not hearing anything, looking back with the clarity I now have, I know I may have very young but it was so terrifying that I didn’t remember a thing. There’s some bizarre stuff I remember about the 80’s. The only “voices” I remember hearing in my teens was a very rare calling of my name by a female voice, not threatening at all. I told the psychologist I was seeing and he told me it was probably an “auditory memory”.

I now know it wasn’t until some time in my 20’s that I began hearing voices/thoughts. Originally thought it was spirits/ghosts. They had an effect on me as I now can recall that though I heard them they didn’t leave an impression in the form of a memory really most of the time. So though hearing voices if asked I would have told you no, I didn’t, honestly, though I was. This was my experience up until the sheer horror of the winter of 2014. I don’t go back there in my mind. I thought the world was ending, I remember talking to myself a lot in my head and then all hell broke loose like nothing I’d ever experienced. I realized then…that’s when I knew. There may have been other times in my 20’s but I believe due to the horror of these experiences in childhood they lead to me just blacking them out of my mind altogether.

But since winter 2014 I’ve consistently heard, no forgetting. It’s something I’ve given up making sense of as it makes no sense. I don’t talk about it as I’d like to out of cautiousness as there’s constant threats. My life is a living hell. At least I occasionally hear things like “You’re not the one who’s sick” there’s some sanity and intelligence out there just not much, mostly cruelty and willing ignorance in an unswerving loyalty to an unquestioned monstrosity. If I’m wrong I feel like the only one on the outside of this wall willing to understand and be open minded in doing so.

that is different than voices per se - sounds like telepathy - when I do that, I am scared to be around people or talk to people because they know everything and I think sometimes I control their responses because of them hearing my thoughts. Then there are the times I think about someone and want them to think some way about me or call me or whatever and then they do.

Yes it is different than voices… I couldn’t explain to the Dr what was going on and I had stated I heard voices and I think that messed up my diagnosis or something. But telepathy is a form of sz right?

it is a dlusion I think. can be or from other mi.

People get cancer.
People have heart attacks.
People become schizophrenic.

It is what it is.

Nice people get heart attacks.
Nice people get cancer.
Nice people become schizophrenic.

Life is inherently unfair and random and arbitrary. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. You can’t control everything. Like my sister keeps telling me; that’s part of the human condition. There’s always someone else who has it worse off than you.

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