I picked her up to go to get a haircut. When she was walking to my car, I noticed she had deodorant on the front, back, and both sides of her shirt. When she got in the car, I told her a dry towel gets deodorant off if you wipe it vigorously. I didnt know if she knew that. Anyway, she got made at me for insulting her. I didn’t mean it as an insult at all. I feel terrible. I told her I am so sorry, never meant it that way, and that I love her with all my heart just the way she is. She forgave me, but I still feel awful. I’m tempted to drink alcohol to deal with the pain. I know that’s wrong though. I love her so much. I would never want to hurt her.
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Don’t be too hard on yourself. It was just a simple misunderstanding. You thought she didn’t intentionally put it on herself like that. I don’t know how old your daughter is, but if they are in the rebellious age it often doesen’t take much to ignite a flame.
Anyways, you didn’t mean it in a negative way and that’s what matters. 
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Thanks @Mr_Hope. She’s 22 years old but suffering from PTSD, anxiety, and depression
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Please don’t do that.
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I see. I guess that makes her a bit fragile. I don’t have kids myself so I can only imagine what you are dealing with. Parenting isn’t easy. I remember when I was 22 I wanted to move out from my parents and get my own place.
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Yeah. It’s very rewarding but can be very difficult sometimes
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My son is my whole heart and I would never want to hurt him either. But telling your daughter that she has deodorant on her shirt and letting her know how she can fix that is not the same as hurting her. You were trying to help and she should see that. We’re raising our kids (mine is an adult now) to be the best they can be, so letting your daughter think you actually hurt her and apologizing, in my opinion, is not teaching her responsibility. It’s not your fault she had deodorant on her shirt. Would she prefer you just left it and didn’t say anything? Or would that be something you would have had to apologize for too? You didn’t do anything wrong!
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That’s what my husband said @Hedgehog . But my daughter is very sensitive so I should have known better.
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you did nothing wrong, even offered to help. sometimes people are just too sensitive and will freak out about anything, especially kids, im assuming based off this that your daughter isnt an adult but i may be wrong
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@cigarino , she’s 22. But she’s really sensitive right now. She’s going through a very hard time
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I read a book when my son was little called “The Highly Sensitive Child” It fit my son perfectly. I recommend that book.
This is just a really clear scenario to me of letting your daughter’s sensitivity rule, though. She’s going to have to take command at some point and be able to discern for herself what’s actually hurting her and what just feels annoying or hurtful. You annoyed her and in her mind you were criticizing her for having deodorant on her shirt. But, she needs to learn that what her feelings were telling her wasn’t your intention. Otherwise this will transfer over to other relationships and life in general and she’ll end up feeling unnecessarily hurt throughout her life.
I really admire your devotion to your daughter. I am similarly devoted to my son. In that devotion, though, don’t feed her “weaknesses”, you’ll only make them worse. Gently tell her that you were trying to help and that you weren’t thinking anything bad about her because you love her and think she’s awesome.
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Good advice @Hedgehog. I’ll check it out
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Your daughter must be very happy to have such a caring mother. I try to be sensitive too. My daughter gets mad about the silliest things. I find it difficult to say anything like I have to tip-toe around everything.
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Yeah. I feel that way too
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I was taught the 5 minute rule when it comes to comments on appearance. If the problem can be solved immediately in less than five minutes, tell the person. otherwise, keep your mouth shut.
This was something she could fix in five minutes. It is normal to expect someone to say thank you and fix the issue. It isn’t wrong to let her know she can fix it.
Seems like she might be mad about something bigger, and this is what is leaking through.
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you didn’t do anything wrong…no sweat. she forgave you and that’s what matters…
Yeah. I think you’re right. We talked tonight and she said when I give unsolicited advice it makes her feel like I think she’s stupid. I don’t. So I told her I think she’s very smart. She’s a deep thinker and has very original thoughts.
She was abused emotionally and mentally by her ex for many years and it really tore her down. She’s unable to work or go to school as a result. She’s very sensitive now . I know I need to be very careful and sometimes I screw up. I love her and think the world of her so it really sucks when I say the wrong thing
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