I have two challenges so far

One of them is how to live. The other of them is what to live for.

The first one is easier. I am making progress gradually. The second one is clueless. I still don’t get it why I need to live a life that is so terrible. A life that people used to be important to me want to get rid of for so much. It is so disconnected from my old self and my old life. I wish I could have a choice, to end my life earlier. My papa told mom his big wish is just the opposite of mine. He wants to live longer and extends his life for another ten years. I want euthanasia.

Sorry if this sounds too negative to u.

Don’t you want to live and see when it all gets better again? Have a goal. My goal is to get better. I hate this too. I’ve lost my social skills. My supervisor at work sees me as a bit retarded and slow in mind. I used to be a boss for 5 ppl. Made the workplace much better, had a lot of ideas. All that is gone…for now. I still hope I will get back on track again some day.

Choose life. My job in life is to remain well and if not improve my life, its more challenging than the alternative, death

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You’re talking to someone who has suffered major depression, probably while still in the womb (I had the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, so who knows). There is no such thing as too negative. You have to talk about what is making you sad, or it just sits there and suffocates you. Have you tried talking to your doctor? You might have some situational depression setting in. I realize I might be the only one here who loves my prescriptions, but they do work which is why I love them. Let me tell you, if this is depression, there is no “romp through the woods with bunnies and rainbows” solution. It takes meds. It might go away it might not. If you have just been diagnosed you might just be feeling hopeless but if you have been diagnosed for a while, it might just be wearing on you.
If you are considering suicide, that isn’t something you just shake. That’s something you tell your doctor to make a note of and help you fix.

i think euthansia is a good idea for the very sick, but you are not one of those.
the problem with the medical profession in the western world is the prolonging of life, keeping people alive who basicaly do not have a life/or do not want to live !
old people having operations, that don’t make any sense, only to live maybe ten years or less and for what.
they are in old age people’s homes, it is pointless and a huge weight on the economy…
people with demetia who are being hand fed ?
there was a fire that killed people in an old age centre/hospice for those dieing , the relatives , daughters and sons were all saying how terrible it was ! they were all going to die in two or three years time anyway !
sad for those left behind but death is part of life and the cycle of life.
if we were taught from an early age death would be viewed in a more positive way…
take care
p.s i care about you and i wish i could take your pain away and add it to mine. but keep going.


I don’t get the point of life. One teaching to which I am close is that the purpose of life is to gain experience. I am told that from the point of view of the spirit, an easy life is not necessarily better than a difficult one.

They tell me I’ve had a sad life. It seemed right for me. I’m glad I have lived it.

:libra: J

I foresee things to get even more worst in the future. It has been all the way down slope for the past ten years. It seems to be still going down.

I wish I won’t affect u in a negative way. I’m not diagnosed with depression. I have a hard time to face up with my reality. I react to stress strongly. I have a lot of emotions triggered every time I get together with my family. I don’t know if any prescription can help me to do that, staying in an uncomfortable social situation and feel nothing. I intend not to withdrawn myself from unpleasant social relations. It would be better than hiding in my bed. But it certainly gives me tears. I found it really difficult to take. I doubt if people would get use to that. I just won’t.

Thanks, darksith. I like your reply. Thank you for caring.

I had a hard time. My family choose to abandon me. I am struggling and failing again and again and I don’t know if it is doing anything good. Mom is the only one who still take care of me. But she cant help me. I’m too much to her. She gets emotional when I don’t get well. I can’t get myself out of the downward spiral. I feel like I’m a pollution to the environment. Everybody in the family want to get rid of me. I feel no hope for the ways I have been. I ask myself if this is my mistakes. I don’t know. of course I have problems. I can’t manage my problems on my own. I lack the build in capacity.

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You aren’t affecting anyone here in a negative way. You need an egg crate. A deep support system. Something to keep you safe. Your mom is good foam. Good packing stuff. In fact, the best. Mothers are irreplaceable. (If you were adopted I consider the person who adopted you your mother). I consider any spouse second and friends third. When I was depressed I felt very distanced from my Mom, but now that is under control and I have reflected, she is the most precious person in my life. We don’t get along well, we have extremely different ideas on everything, but when it comes down to it she loves me too.
Maybe give her hugs and show her love? She might just be stressed because she has devoted herself to you but she doesn’t feel the love right now. (I’m not saying you don’t love her, just that she doesn’t feel it right now).