I know I dont have a personality and never have, but people dont believe me or dont take it seriously, I never know what to do. I dont know how other people got theirs. Should I try and develop a personality? is it possible? i dont know how i feel from one day to another, my opinions change, my likes and dislikes, i cant make any decisions, its mental turmoil.
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If your likes and dislikes and opinions change daily, then your personality is fluid. You have one.
It must be hard for you to feel unfixed though. I do too sometimes. I don’t think my personality is much of anything really. I’m a bit of a nobody.
ok but if my personality is fluid, what is my personality? i just dont know.
Yes I know hold up and let me collect my thoughts…
I’ve been here, often am there, have no personality when compared to the way others seem to form a personality and rarely see past what they’ve set in stone as who they are. I’ve never been this way, I’ve known an ocean of pain and withdrawn from the world as a recluse, a world in which I’d been a drummer, a devoted boyfriend, someone who experimented with LSD, someone who put on a punk rock image and made the paper in the nearest metropolis.
I have no idea who I am, but in my early 30’s I’ve at least overcome the feeling of the fog of being as I used to describe as “a million miles away” in my mind…that far removed. I’m more with it these days but still I lack what I see others having found as their “rock of self”
Lacking this in myself I seeked it in others, lovers, and having found it, learned this is not the way to go, as these people move on, or get sick of being you’re “rock” and leave you to you’re own miseriable awkwardness.
How I deal with it lately is that I’ve found the strength to tell people where I can unashamably who I am and what my interests are, as varied and unsteriotypical as they may be, I’ve heard more than once “you’re the kind of person who can relate to anyone aren’t you?” And I don’t know that this isn’t the way of going about thinking about being such a person who struggles with self identity and yet strongly has one (who I am)
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Are you talking about fitting into a sub culture like preppy or punk?
i am 46 and still have no idea who i am or what i want to do in life, in school when i was 14 they wanted us to decide on a career path, i had no idea and i still dont and i am still waiting to realise what career i should go for which is crazy because i am too mentally ill to work anyway, i am stuck, i still think to myself i need to do exams to get qualified for my career, i have nightmares where i am in school still having to finish all my exams, the only thing i can vaguely think of for my personality is that i like to laugh at comedy, but everyone does, i see other people on tv and i think i should be like that and try to be, but i realised yesterday after years that it doesnt last and doesnt work, because i cant wear someone elses personality like a dress and expect it to work. i am just hollow, or like an invisible person, people only project their own personality and feelings onto me because i have nothing of myself, i am just a mirror.
no, just a basic personality, simple things.
Just want you to know I’m finding it easier to exert myself around others when before I would have withdrawn to acting like who I was around…but then enter you’re “opposite crew” into the equation in the same situation and maybe that’s how I learned to deal with it, or perhaps this when others learned lessons.
I guess I’m saying, when you struggle with you’re sense of identity it can be very hard not to blend with who you’re around. I’d like to say I don’t do that anymore, at worst I relate as much as I can to who they are while still keeping self.
It can be an empty feeling and lonely road but if you as I am and have wish to explore a spiritual path this has lead me to Buddhsim (beware of prozyltizing groups) and Native religious beliefs.
i dont be around anyone anymore at all, which is easy because i dont have any friends anyway, i just have my husband and son. they do have personalities.
I see. I think personality isn’t just one thing like what we do for a living. God I hope not anyway because I have a boring job.
I don’t think many people really know what they want to do. That’s why people have career changes throughout life.
I think personality is the sum of different aspects of ourselves.
You say you like to laugh at comedy, that’s a good thing. Are you kind? being kind is a part of personality.
Do you like to read? what genre? Do you like music? any particular type of music. All these things add up to personality.
It’s not one whole unit standing by itself, it takes a lot to build a personality and I’m sure you have one, just look at it, dissect it, into it’s smaller parts. Those small parts add up.
I wouldn’t say I have one identifiable personality type. I’m just me. I’m kind, I like to laugh, I like to read, I love driving my car, I like second hand shops, I love food. All of these things don’t mean I am x kind of person, they just make me, me and that is my personality.
Just want to know have you ever experienced merging?
I don’t really have friends either. At least not where I live at the moment. I haven’t made any friends in the 8 years I have lived here.
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i like all kinds of music, i read various things, but more non fiction, i dont think i am kind, but not exactly unkind either. i have no idea what makes me, me.
what is merging?
As in you’re sense of self becomes intertwined with another’s personality basically
Are your husband and son extroverted people?
Maybe you are introverted? I am and it’s really hard to feel like you have much going for you when you’re around extroverted people, I know.
In my experience this is something that happens easily with those of us who struggle with identity and can worsen this prediciment. Like you become who you’re most around and even vice versa. It’s happened to me. I’ve even had my lack of self rub off on someone I’d only known for less than six months, completely lost herself in trying to find herself in someone who didn’t know themselves and this was a successful woman in her 40’s.
I have the same kind of problem. Are you constantly trying to fit into other people who are completely different from you? Chances are, you have one, but you just can’t feel that you have one. I understand that’s what’s happening to me at least. I tend to feel stable and that I have a more solid personality(or identity) when I’m alone than when around people who have different values. Because I tend to try hard to understand other people’s feelings and thoughts almost automatically I just neglect to protect/maintain my own. I think this can easily happen to sensitive people and do not feel bad about yourself if this is the case.
As a daily practice, why not more consciously realize what you like or dislike, and why. And that is you. Try to accept all the good and bad in yourself. I’m sure you have favorite food. Just build this up.
I hope this helps.
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Empaths in a society not exactly attuned or accomodating to such people I believe we are, other than people who’ve been through our share of enough is enough is how I see it when it comes own to it really.