How was ur first hospital stay…and
DO COMMENT …!!!
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My first hospital stay was in 1996 when I was still on my parents’ insurance, so I went to a fairly nice hospital, not like the state-run joint I went to after that. I remember the people were friendly, the rooms were comfortable and the food was good. There were support groups and therapy groups that were actually geared toward support and therapy. All-in-all, it was a pretty good experience.
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Made me crazier. They intentionally made me more paranoid. There were fake news reports on the tv that showed a hurricane was headed towards my family. The newscasts looked like they were made in someone’s garage. There was no hurricane when I was in the hospital. You can google it, I have and I am not crazy or delusional and wasn’t hallucinating
There were stories about my life in the newspaper about me. The names were changed but they were all about different parts of my life. They would say over the loudspeaker. “If anyone wants to confess to a crime come to the dayroom”
These are just a few examples. It made me more paranoid and delusional than I already was. Definitely wasn’t treatment.
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my first time was awkward. was caught walking on side of highway past midnight. I don’t know exactly what I said to cops, but they said that I can either stay outside or they can get me someplace where I can eat and chill. next thing I know, I was on a stretcher. the cop asked a nurse at some desk to admit me. she didn’t look American, and so i said that if she admitted me she would be going against the principles of America. the cops said that if I was left out on the street, someone was probably going to call the cops again on me. I lost the argument and ended up in hospital. psych ward felt like high school at first.
then a patient attacked a garbage can, right next to me. wasn’t fun anymore.
I did meet this one woman while I was in the psych ward. she was a mother who would hurt herself. I wrote poems to her and she accepted them; (basically, I was lucky because I’ve gotten into deep poop for sharing my poems later on.) we ate lunch together and she always gave me her food, even though I told her that she shouldn’t. she even got offended when I suggested she shouldn’t, sometimes.
we would walk around the psych ward, talking and whatnot. we were cool. I guess you can say we were friends.
then one day I woke up and I couldn’t find her. halfway through the day, I realized that she got discharged.
she was a mother who needed to go back to her kids anyhow. and I was 19 (close to 20, I remember losing my teenhood in the psych ward), so I didn’t think to ask for her phone number or anything: I wasn’t a fast thinker and it was the first time I connected with someone like I did with her.
but cool person left, and I got very very sad.
I wrote poems to someone who didn’t like them. I stopped talking to her. I got very angry and wanted to leave the psych ward. I finally publicly asked if she was gay. I was 19 years old, I didn’t know any better. she said yes. eventually I decided to not write poems to people in the psych ward.
I stayed in my room, because patients were violent. my roommate, one time, was violent; so I slept in the hallway until they changed my room. one roommate would stare at me all day. he was gay. I was cool about it. but one time, my eyes were closed while I was daydreaming of a high school friend. he approached my bedside.
I freaked out. I wrote poems about the incident and made him look like a predator. I hanged clothes like curtains around my side of the room, because I felt like the staff was letting a woman share a room with a man. they eventually changed my room. I was 19 years old, I didn’t know any better. I wish I was nicer to him.
My first hospital stay was in 1997. I was restrained during that stay which was pretty traumatic. I’ve been in the hospital dozens of times since then. My most recent stay was this past new years. I was really psychotic and suicidal. I believe if I hadn’t gone in I would have killed myself. The psychosis was really scary though. They started giving me ECT again. That’s helped a lot but I’m still mildly psychotic.Right now I’m in Mental Health IOP. It has been really helpful. My family and my boyfriend have been so supportive through this. 