TW: Maybe triggering to those w/ptsd memories of psychosis, I’m trying to get into therapy maybe for these too, mania is receding and it seemed to help w/tough to swallow thoughts and memories
My only way out is to rationalize, even if I am limited to thoughts which might be insignificant
~Alejandro~
My grasp is weak and my centering is inconsistent, but pushing thoughts and ideas harder and loving and feeling them more can always make it okay for me.
And when I feel great, then I feel great, and my obstacle…that of disclosure and possible “catastrophe” is no longer something which arrests me.
HALLUCINATION
What if psychosis (no clue how it starts, but once it does…) when the ball gets rolling, the reason that happens is because you see an elephant in the grocery store, and so then you have to reconcile the elephant being in the wrong place.
The stress of the elephant appearing, due to a sensitivity which comes from “the way we are” and genetics, means we overreact. So we might be stressed out or dealing with changes, and our reaction to a break in reality is to simply begin seeing or hearing more stuff. Rather than rejecting it or trying to understand it.
So the stress of the cascade of wrong thoughts and feelings is stressful, so then it keeps getting primed, just rapidly, like drawn out ptsd without a dramatic trigger.
DELUSION
So then you start with a couple or even one idea, and it snowballs into a few more. It’s like a waking nightmare. The amgdala does as it wants, and the pfc goes wonky, so your brakes are broken but you’re hurtling along looking for a way to not crash. When you eventually lose momentum, that’s when the negative sx kick in. But then you can’t take anymore and stop the momentum with coping strategies, denial, projection, etc, and that leads to to formed fixed delusions.
In sum, making sense of an exaggerated stress response and a feeling of losing control ends in you crafting a roundabout which does not exist. You may remain on the road, but you read between the lines, and you just keep on ■■■■■■■ driving and disrupting everyone who’s reading the signs and signals right.
You may be able to follow, but you’ll have to draw on what’s left of your crafty planning pfc functions to keep up with it all and not mess up. So the other people will, just, be reinforcing to the stress. Because they haven’t been through the stuff at the same time, and if an elephant emerged, then they zigged rather than zagging for whatever reason and never got the bad momentum.
They may think mire or less efficiently and feel imbalanced at times, but mostly they get their machinery wired and mostly get situated into adulthood, or keep along being sort of appropriately normal and not feeling or percieving reinforcing stressors within others (because they do not know, also primitive instincts) and also within their internal as well as external mental envts.
PARANOIA
Shut off advanced parts of the brain and somehow a conditioned response from the deer brain kicks in, so then you’ll be finicky and distrustful.
DIVERGENT THINKING AND DISORGANIZED
No clue! Maybe the other ideas.
COGNITIVE
Thinking requires exquisite harmony. When that is disrupted, peacing this back together during an active phase makes learning, memory, even aspects of perception and thought, inefficient, absent, displaced, muted etc.