So basically during my first episode of psychosis I developed symptoms of PTSD. (right now I’m at the start of a second episode)
I get flashbacks of the hallucinations. I can’t shower, it brings back all the memories and the sound of the water is almost hypnotic.
I’m hyper-vigilant, both with everything that’s happening around me and of the possibility that everything I hear and see might actually just be a hallucination. I react to imagined sounds thinking they’re real, I ignore real sounds thinking they’re a hallucination.
I don’t trust anything I believe. The most real universe is the one I’ve been told doesn’t exist, but I haven’t been there for a while, even though everything here’s been blurring together.
The PTSD symptoms are possibly more disabling than the psychosis itself, but normal PTSD supports don’t help me. I can’t even tell myself that I’m safe, because it could all start again at any moment.
I experienced this sort of trauma as well. My psychotic break was very dark and disturbing. It took a lot of therapy and med changes to get to a place where I was no longer thinking about my episode 24/7. I know I’ll never be back to where I was before I experienced psychosis to begin with but I’ve decided that’s okay; life gets to everyone eventually. But I digress.
You said you’re at the start of a second episode - is your treatment team aware of that?
I also developed PTSD from my psychotic break. I had flashbacks and was extremely fearful. I avoided things and people who would trigger memories of the event because even thinking about it made it feel like it was happening all over again. I didn’t trust my mind anymore either and questioned every sound I heard to make sure it was real.
I saw a trauma therapist for this, and you’re right, it’s a little different than other traumas. But talking about it repeatedly in a safe space helped to “deactivate” the memory a bit. And learning how to cope. Time helps too. Things are much better now. If you have access to therapy, I recommend looking into it, if you’re open to that.
But most importantly, is your psychosis being treated? It was unclear from your post and you said you’re headed into an episode. I hope you’re talking to your treatment team so they can adjust your meds or if you don’t have one, getting yourself to the doctor asap. You don’t need anymore trauma. Take care.
When I realized i was at the start of another episode I told my family who told my doctors.
I’d planned it so that by the time things were really bad, I would already have a good treatment team and support network.
But everyone I asked for treatment either couldn’t or wouldn’t help me or refer me on to anyone who would help.
I did spend some time in an inpatient unit recently. They kept me for a week or less, completely forgot to get my meds on a few occasions, and discharged me without a treatment plan.
I don’t even have a treatment team who I can tell…
So I guess it’s not being treated beyond some medication, but also I have no way of getting it treated.
The trauma therapist might be good, but I’m scared that they won’t believe me or will refuse to help (mostly because this is what normally happens when I ask for help actually)