Sometimes I think if my delusions and hallucinations were the same as the beginning of my schizophrenia, I would go off my meds and just deal with them. I have a better understanding that they’re not real and I just remember being more reckless, in a fun way. But slowly over time after being reckless is when my voices grew mean and ANNOYING and that’s when I went on medication. Currently, I am symptom free other than this feeling of irritation in my brain that best resembles depression. But Sometimes, like currently, there is a demonic male voice that comes from the sound of my air condition that just intrudes my mind with muffles of his own paranoia. These are the times where I wish I was drugged to the point of not hearing him. So, it’s a battle of wishing things were as what they once were and I was medication free, manic, and blissfully happy vs drugged to the point of a deadass silent mind. Lol.