“I had more fun when I was delusional”


I’ve only been on this level of sanity for maybe two days now already it feels freaking boring as hell. Maybe life is more interesting with delusions. Maybe they will come back because they always do. Like in the end of the shutter island movie.

Right now I feel so stable it’s just like I feel I’ve wasted my whole life away being schizophrenic. When you feel stuck…I’ll get out of it one way or another but for now feeling trapped.


I envy your boredom. My mind has too much going on right now. I could use a break.


I once made a song lyric “we all want what we don’t have”. I guess it kinda goes with the grass is always greener on the other side. I just have been reasoning with my delusions really well. I feel naked almost in not being delusional at all. It just there is too much evidence now that my delusions were just delusions for me to believe them. It’s depressing that I feel my life is shitty, AND I don’t have delusions to look forward to. Anyways hope you get some relief. Take care now going to sleep.


You are free now! No more delusions keeping you back.


2 days is nothing. I can be highly stable for months on end with no change, and I have been highly stable for months on end. And that wouldn’t change, unless a change in my medication occurred. You can’t draw any conclusions from 2 days.


I’ve been delusion free for months before but idk feels a bit different this time. Like I’m not just saying “I don’t want that” or “that’s impossible”. But getting deeper insight into why it’s impossible, stupid and dumb, along with so many other reasons why I can’t be my delusions. Maybe you’re right. Sz sux. When I’m delusional it doesn’t feel as bad. Just seems impossible, endless, and weight on my shoulder. But I feel on top of the world in my delusions.


Stick with the music and stay busy. You’ll be alright, man.


I know what you mean. I used to be conversing with the voices day and night and without that I just have hours of silent time on my own and it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes.


Doctors will medicate us until our heads are clear, but no one wants to help us live with the silence. It can be difficult to fill the hole that psychosis leaves in us. We deal with the emptiness because we have to. We go on for our families, our friends. But at the end of the day, our darkened hearts pump the nothingness through our veins. Nothing that I’ve experienced in my short life compares to the experience of psychosis. Tortured, but never lonely.


I most definitely did not.


I was feeling real down about the music for a few weeks there. Thanks I’m feeling it a bit more now again.


I’ve had that same feeling before, sometimes psychosis can bring a sense of adventure


Sometimes I think if my delusions and hallucinations were the same as the beginning of my schizophrenia, I would go off my meds and just deal with them. I have a better understanding that they’re not real and I just remember being more reckless, in a fun way. But slowly over time after being reckless is when my voices grew mean and ANNOYING and that’s when I went on medication. Currently, I am symptom free other than this feeling of irritation in my brain that best resembles depression. But Sometimes, like currently, there is a demonic male voice that comes from the sound of my air condition that just intrudes my mind with muffles of his own paranoia. These are the times where I wish I was drugged to the point of not hearing him. So, it’s a battle of wishing things were as what they once were and I was medication free, manic, and blissfully happy vs drugged to the point of a deadass silent mind. Lol.


But if I could recommend anything I would recommend finding peace in things you were unable to concentrate on before. For example, a book that you can read with a clear mind or a new area of study that you can finally focus on.


I just took a couple books out of the library. Thanks.


When in psychosis I would go on all sorts of adventures. It really made me outgoing. Then again, I used to just sit in my car and scream and cry. So I guess I don’t really miss it.


My religious delusions are loads of fun. I don’t know what I’d do without them. But my paranoid delusions I can definitely live without. Luckily, I still have the former and the latter are gone.