I don’t even like listening to music anymore. I have no self and I believe that’s the problem. My voices abused me till I was no more. I can’t make sense of my life. Could it be we are just in chaos?
I feel the same. I can’t do anything that takes effort. I buy magazines which I don’t read. I buy records which I only play at occasion. I barely watch movies. It’s really hard. I want to do more but can’t
My self was shattered and it dissolved into darkness. It has come back but my self is still shattered. I hear voices, have paranoia and suffer from negs.
It took the whole day for me to take a shower. I had to force myself.
I wish I could focus but I don’t have that ability.
People are like aliens to me. I don’t understand how they do it? Work, studies, cleaning their apartment and taking care of themselves.
There is something wrong with me besides this illness. I just don’t know what it is?
Yes totally relate
AA rescued me from the chaos.
On a good note, I don’t believe in my voices anymore.
@Speedy . Yes you are right, though. Can finding a life partner make easy life, in this sense.
How on earth would I do that? I mean I lie mostly on the couch and do nothing.
Also how am I supposed to explain to a woman that I’m psychotic. It’s a big turn off.
I wouldn’t mind the sex but having a relationship is too demanding.
I’m just not ready for that.
This is really relateable…but what do you mean by something else being wrong with you? Like it is your fault? It is probably the illness, not something inherent about you that is wrong
I don’t know? I just feel like I should be doing something? I’m not doing anything. It feels like a wasted life.
People do stuff, they have hobbies and interests. There is nothing that I find joy in.
People here seem so high functional. They play instruments, read, work out, go shopping etc.
I wish I had a hobby that brought me joy.
I think there is something wrong with me Besides this illness. I just don’t know what?
Ok? No we don’t have arranged marriages here. I wouldn’t want a woman doing things for me. Sure, I like strong independent women. But I want to look myself in the mirror and feel like I have personal power.
Also it’s a question of love. I want to love someone and feel like they love me.
People on here do seem high functioning, yes. I go through periods where I am functioning higher, but I can tell you I often get to points and am really close to being at a point now where nothing gives me any feelings whatsoever but exhaustion/confusion, no joy. Even forcing myself to do things I know I should, there is nothing and it is exhausting. I just say this in hopes that you know other people hit points like this.
It is hard to want to do stuff or consistently do anything at all when it brings you nothing. There is also no feeling of reward in forcing yourself when you still feel nothing. It is understandable why you do nothing.
Sometimes I think something else is wrong with me too, but reason tells me it’s related to this illness. I will not claim any 1:1 similarity with you in this. For you, maybe it could also be related to meds. I wish I could tell you some way it could be better or escapable. I am sure you have tried a lot.
I think if you’re being adequately treated, it should restore you to being able to focus and engage in things in the way you long to. This sounds like you are just scraping by.
My mother asked me to see a doc so we could lower my meds. I told her I can’t, I still hear voices. But she thinks it’s the meds causing my lethargy. Olanzapine is known for making people lethargic.
It’s ironic that one who suffers from negatives are also put on a medicine that lowers dopamine. I mean it’s hard to tell which is causing the lethargy?
You are right about forcing myself. It doesn’t bring me any joy. But I have to try. I do feel like an imposter. Pretending to be someone. I did the dishes today, I took a shower and cooked food. But it’s just a thing I do so I can discard it. Yes, it’s hard and I postpone everything to the last minute.
I have told my doc that I can’t focus. But he didn’t care. He just want my psychotic symptoms to be minimal. What’s the point anyway? It’s not like I can be put on stimulants?
I’m sorry that you relate to my post. It sucks being this way. But if I remember it correctly, you are still young and received treatment early on, if I’m not mistaken? You will get better, even if it takes time.
Thank you for your reply!
It is really good you are trying, and understandable you feel like an imposter- you’re definitely not though and I’d argue even less so since you use sheer will power to do what other people are automatically incentivized to do. I am sorry your doc doesn’t take the focusing thing seriously- I know some people decide to cope with psychotic symptoms in order to not deal with so much med side effects, though it doesn’t sound like that’s an option for you?
Also yeah I am young and I think I am getting early treatment comparative to a good number of people on here, so I think things will improve. Thank you as well.
You know, things seem bleak for all of us at certain times. I am finally doing really well now and getting things done.
My turning point was finding a med that worked for me. Then I got a job. Wasn’t much, just 5 hours a week. That made me feel better, like I was contributing to both my home and to the job. Began to very slowly work on my home. That took a long time. Began to read, adding a page extra every day or so until I could read for hours again.
One baby step at a time I took my life back. It took several years of pushing and slip ups, giving up and starting over. From 2020 to now I pushed myself harder than ever, complaining the whole way and believing secretly that I would fail all the way up to a month ago.
And guys, those of you saying that the forum seems to have a lot of higher functioning people…that includes you. Just being able to come here and describe what you feel makes you part of the higher functioning group. Do you know how many SZs can’t do that? For various reasons from being unable to function nd lost un psychosis to paranoia abput computers and web sites.
You ARE higher functioning. Don’t forget that. You can get better and better. Its just a matter of finding the best treatment for you and taking baby steps until you’re at a point where you are happy.
And that point looks different for everyone. Your recovery will look different from mine, just like mine looks different from someone else.
it could be your meds taking away your ambition for hope. I did nothing but lay in bed day and night for a few years when I had suicidal ideation. I thought my life was over…work with your pdoc. a lot. get the meds you need to help you become the person you want to be.
I would try different antidepressants until you find something that helps.
Hope you can get out of this rut.
After taking my meds i felt the same useless trired and no joy, no feelinhs at all. I get injectables and blocks my serotonin and my dopamine. Every day is struggle, i feel u there.personally i try to do small stuff even thou is hard. Subjects on forums, spanish clases and I tool a job with a pizzeria, to contribute but also since I get food here and spares me from cooking. I am on a really low income.
And I feel you, the lack of joy, the lack of intrest in just about anything, but pushing myself to do just a but today. But there are days when nothing makes sense at all, I feel numb. Like all hpe is gone. I feel better when rains and is colder than in sunny days.
Sunny days when everybody’s happy, i feel down and i lack energy.Just want to lay down in bed do nothibg at all, but that is worse, since I am there just with my thoughts.
A high functioning schizophrenic is determined by website very well mind
It says it is a controversial term but usually indicates ability to carry out good self care, have good interpersonal relationships, and abilities to pursue further education and employment
Im pointing this out because 70-90% of schizophrenics are unemployed
However it just seems like on this forum there may be more high functioning employed schizophrenics
But it is controversial and coming off meds can reduce negatives, thats a no brainer!
I relate to @Speedy because i have the worst anhedonia too. I have no motivation and this is why im playing with the idea of stopping meds but its so damn hard to live off them and i have my husband to consider.
Can you still get disability without meds?
I think I would lose my money for non compliance, but I’m not sure.
Yes you can still in my country