With some people.sometimes
I just can’t take the stress with them, the confrontational conflict that may arise.
It’s really annoying actually
Does anyone have ideas or advice to improve on this
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I just have a natural tendency to speak around others. I guess I do it before I think of any of the possible consequences. I’m just so excited to converse with others, I don’t end up analyzing the conversation or feeling bad about any of it until later on when I’m alone afterwards. Then I might go over it in my head.
I think if you’re with others and you’ve gone a long enough time without talking, you could try to speak up just to keep the amount of time you are talking on par with the amount of time they are talking. Rather than speaking to someone and letting them do all the talking.
Do you feel a lot of it ends in confrontation? I was thinking more of small talk, it’s hard to get confrontational during that. Unless someone says something downright rude or something.
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I go by the ‘30 rule’.
That is, by the time you are 30 years of age, you stop caring what other people think about you…and you just tell it like it is.
You become who you were meant to be, and let the cards fall where they may.
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My family is quite combatative, in fact it’s issue after issue, they have stalked me, spread rumours which causes me to be in danger and quite frankly I’m sure they tried to kill me. Everything I tell them gets spread around. I have no privacy, they force themselves into my private space, my thoughts, my dreams even and I don’t like it. Constantly trying to spiritually abuse and take advantage of me. They ruin my name, stole my identity, anything I do or like they will hate just to be competative and combatative, they know I’m unwell and are still constantly on my case. Have no faith of the positive things I can do.
They want to be the centre of attention all the time at any cost. It’s so exhausting. Very manipulative. Invade my house, my space, tap on my roof and walls to try to dominate and upset me. I feel so betrayed by them and victimized. I just don’t know why, they have always treated me awful and been abusive. I will never let them win. I am just so upset that they spread rumours and everyone is on their side, I do not comprehend how and harass and attack me. Strangers I don’t even know. Trying to fight me, or bait me into a huge emotional escalation that I just don’t care to spend my energy on anymore. It’s confusing, always showing up when I’m there, it’s creepy and scary.
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I meant like if certain people in my life say something that I don’t agree with, then I’m sometimes a bit hesitant to say so, because I’m afraid thay it will lead to tension. But not saying anything is bad for me, cos I just feel like man how can I just keep quiet about that.
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Have you tried to explain this to them or?
And if that doesn’t help have you tried distancing yourself from them.
My stepdad is homophobic, slurs and everything, and I called him out on it once. He threatened to throw me out. So I quietly made arrangements to live somewhere else without telling him and just moved surreptitiously to California. I just can’t live around that kind of hate, even if it’s not directed at me.
I also have a hard time speaking up about something, mostly because I grew up around someone who would explode if you did that. That’s definitely a lot different than small talk.
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Yes, I always speak up when I don’t like something or I feel something is inappropriate. They never listen. Same things or even different creepier things or I’ll distance myself and they will tap on my roof and walls to harass me
I am totally 100% sick of it. To the point I’m thinking of getting a restraining order against them, I’m at my wits end. I just need 100% no contact. I don’t know why they would do this in the first place.
So you moved to another place, away from them? And you still hear them tapping your roof and walls?
They chase and harass me online. Set traps and play tricks. I just never realised I was hated so much that’s all.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Maybe the tapping on the roofs and walls is hallucinations though. Maybe.?
Are you consistently taking an antipsyhotic?
Yes and no I am not hallucinating it. I’ve never hallucinated in my symptoms. I just fear my goals and dreams will be ruined because of the people around me being so against me and all I’m trying to do is be successful and provide for my family and the amount of hate I get is criminal.
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Yea harrasment is the worst thing, it just puts me on edge.
Well I did see shadow people on the side of the road and zombies in the street but that’s it. It just makes me so sad and I get scared for myself
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I guess my problem is that I don´t know how to speak up for myself at the moment, but when I look back I would have done things differently.
Nowadays I´m used to “ok dude, see ya” and walk away in this situations, so I can think if I should have defended myself in that situation. Usually if that´s the case, I build animosity for that person later on.
In other instances I explode too much and usually I need to say sorry after. Because i´m tired of not beeing taked seriously.
I both scenarios, I won´t build a good relationship with that person tho.
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But most of the time I don´t get it during the confrontation. I need to think about it.
Is like I´m socially dumb or not acclimatized. Which is very infuriating.
You don’t get what during confrontations, most of the time?
I speak up for myself but always in a diplomatic way. It’s just my style. I’m a Born diplomat.
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I don´t get that the person is beeing mean spirited, or I don´t come up with a way to respond. I end up saying yes to whatever ■■■■ they come with. I usually regret it later on, when I think about it.
I´m sorry if I digress, it´s something that happened me two days ago.
About your question, if you (and me) have been all your life responding in a passive manner, it´s very hard to calibrate assertiveness. And sometimes you just go full aggro if you try 
.
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