Can you go to a small shop and buy something i dont know, groceries? The nearest shop just to get out a little, i like to do this 
no, I cant… I feel very observed by the others… I have the impression that the others will be afraid from me. Plus I suffer physically now…
plus I get tired of always doing something without results… sorry to put you down now. if you were ill since kid, you would understand maybe… I am tired…
The first steps are difficult but if you try it gets better in my opinion
do you think, that I can get better on the negative emotions just by my will?
I dont know. I try to say this: If you live with your mother, ask her to go together at a marketplace or somewhere, i dont know, instead of doing nothing. Small steps 
I notice some of your problems seem to be coming by getting upset a lot. If you read through negative symptoms they explain what is happening to you, they are not really your fault. As for getting rid of it by will I don’t think that’s the way, you just live the best you can.
I had severe long lasting paranoia but I’m recovered. I still have mild paranoia but it is manageable.
Idk, but i took one klonopin yesterday again. It really helps me, but i am still stubborn and i want to do it without it… Klonopin improves even my mood. It calms even my depression(which is probably not a depression, but the sz). It helps my fluidity of speech, so its really a help. Idk why my Zyprexa doesn’t calm me as the klonopin does. What dose it mean? That i am mostly very anxious and not a calm in my head person? Should i continue waiting from the Zyprexa to work? I am really in physical pain without the calm in my head… Why Zyprexa doesn’t calm my thoughts as klonopin does it?
How long have you been on Zyprexa?
Paranoia was always my predominate symptom my whole life until two years ago. It was pure hell for 33 years living with that.
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