I feel like I need to be patient now about my recovery, but my friends see me as stuck

I really am trying now than before to be better, but I am still doing nothing which seems important to my friends…
I was rushing before a bit tbh, but I ended up by hating the paranoia etc…I still cant imagine what is to be fine etc… Maybe my surrounding doesnt believe in me anymore? Even this fact gives me paranoia now tbh, so sometimes I need to rest tbh from all that I knew in the past… but my friends warn me now even against this resting, like it’s dangerous cause making you dumb, lazier etc… idk…
Maybe I really need to calm down my paranoias so maybe I need peace too now? The recovery comes gradually or it popped up in a moment for once and ever for you?
I prefer to be patient though, cause I was severely paranoid and it was bloody painful… But lately, it seems to me, that the others want something else from me…
My friends say I am not free… but maybe I need time with this sz?

Tbh, I cant rush in my head anymore like before… so I am calming down my brain, but it also feels like I need to rest… idk where exactly this will lead me…
Idk what was wrong with me, but I am a bit sensible now that maybe I disappoint some people…
My sister called me a zombie in the past for the fact :disappointed_relieved:
Small steps or how? I hated my paranoia also, who was destroying even my body…

Maybe I am in depression now after realizing how bad I was?? I need time or it wont happen with patience? I worry about the presence of the paranoia in my head, that’s all…

I thought of this movie now… Angelina is just unhappy in it :smirk: https://youtu.be/ZdhCG68kMIo
Idk why I have my paranoia about myself…

Idk anymore whats wrong with me tbh… I have my sensations, some fear , but is it even paranoia? I know nothing anymore…
Do I need a rest now after the shock of having this illness? Or I should move more now? Hah…
My friend just told me that I am not free, it hurted…

anna you have been patiently waiting to recover for 20 years. patience will not fix this unfortanately. you gotta take a bit of action. small actions.
try to get outside once a day even for a few mins walk. just get things moving a bit.
you can do it

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Level, I am going out now every day for 15 minutes since an year… I am also more active at home… really… I try to socialize more… but I still have my symptoms per moments, my paranoia etc… I really went a bit more active… but I remain symptomatic and I still have my moments of despair…
But my friend, who is almost a bf now for me, wants to see me completely free… He makes me think of my sins too tbh, which I guess is still pathological… I deal with conversion disorder, Idk when this will fade away, but i feel a bit pressured now… dont we need calm too in a way? My brain always worked before tbh, way too much even…
Thanks for writing though, maybe i get paranoid around people now and am still scared about smth… I also think, that I am dumb cause I have still a wrong idea about what is to be well… my friend say, that I hate the health… but maybe I just went numb because of the meds and the inactivity? I guess my recovery wont pop in in a second no? All my ill friends seem to be better though, they are really helped by the meds, me no…

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Oh thats great to hear your getting out and about :blush: See you are actively recovering.
Recovery is a work in progress, we are all working on recovery pretty much for our whole life.
So be proud that you are working at it and getting a little bit better each day.
And don’t worry, everyone has good days and also bad days. It doesn’t mean you lost any recovery progress.
Some things we just have to accept and do the best we can.
Try not to compare yourself to your friends. It is an unfair comparison, they have a different mind than yours.

What about my paranoid sensations? I should ignore? Some people talk me about the devil lately lol…
Yeah, it was hard for me to see how my friends were helped by the meds in months almost, they fight for happiness, while me I am not sure, that I’ll be able even to walk sometimes… My bf wants to see me free now, happy etc, but I get paranoid around this pressure :pensive:
Does the recovery is sometimes so slow?? Should I accord to myself this little bit of time no matter, that everyone around me wants something else from me?
Yeah, I suffered…I had a terrorist in my family tbh… I didn’t even learn to talk…

Yeah just ignore sensations and try not to put too much pressure on yourself

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