I felt slightly better today then I have been

I could pay attention to stuff. I saw a movie and was able to comprehend it. I was less jumbled up. Maybe my current crazy pill regime is working idk. I’m depressed but a very calm depression. Like I was ok with feeling terrible.

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I wish I was okay with feeling terrible, especially right now I feel like ■■■■!

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i remember you talking about going to movies like star wars before! how come all of a sudden you have issues with that sort of thing?

I don’t have issues going. I have issues understanding whats going on

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i feel you on that, brain fog possibly? or just an inability to filter out and decide whats important to pay attention to. at least for me its like that. as if everything gets scrambled on the way in. almost like life is in low resolution or something? at least thats what its like for me.

Pretty much. Yea

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The problem is i know sooner or later I’m gonna be sent right back into mental chaos

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i know that feeling! while i appear coherent on the outside on the inside my emotions and thought processes are simply disordered. sometimes, like today, it lifts for a couple of hours or minutes. between those windows there are weeks and months where my mind is just churning chaotically and ultimately accomplishing nothing but making me feel dysphoric or unhappy

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