You know, sometimes I realize how illogical that is. Even Hitler was loved by someone in his circle. It can’t be that EVERYONE hates me – and yet… I often feel deep inside that I’m a huge burden to many. Especially to those closest to me…
Right now, I’m not working – my partner is supporting me. I can’t find a job at the moment – I swear I’m looking… but when I think about it, who even needs me? I feel like a big burden, both in terms of personality and… everything else. I have an awfully difficult character, and sometimes I feel like a really big egoist and narcissist. It’s hard to explain – but I rarely feel like I’m a good person.
I don’t want this to sound like just another one of my thought storms with the underlying message: ‘Hey, feel sorry for me.’ There’s no need to pity me. The point is that often I don’t even know how to show compassion to myself! I feel like a lost and unpleasant woman. That’s how I feel today.
It’s no wonder I’m starting psychotherapy…
You have the right to exist. You don’t need to justify this. Just your being in the world. If you feel you need some meaningful activity try volunteering. Boosts your cv and also opens op job opportunities
Therapy might be good for you cofee… idk about you but i can usually think myself into a worse state than is necessary. Life is hard and all kind of challenges come up including stuff in ourselfs …im trying to find a way to not think the situation into a bigger problem then it is…
If it’s any concelation, I think you are better than hitler @Teaclipse , joke
But seriously, ofcourse people don’t hate you, but I guess it’s easy to think so with this disease. And no, not a narcissist. Being a narcissistic means that you don’t care for other people, but that doesn’t seem to ring true. Sometimes I doubt myself too. But it’s more likely just the fruits of a depression.
Just hang in there and hopefully the sun will come back out.
It’s just part of the illness. Ironically there are a lot of people out there who are pretty much universally disliked that think everyone loves them (me on this forum).
It really is ironic though. Most schizophrenics are pretty
Innocuous. Most people rarely think of us at all. Meanwhile we obsess over these nonexistent opinions.
Therapy is a good thing. Look into some coping statements that really resonate with you and repeat them to yourself when you feel negative emotions arise. It takes some practice. Therapy will help you build resilience.
Honestly, we all struggle with that. I’m figuring out that I’ve kind of lied to myself about certain things, cause since I’ve been meditating and journaling, I’m starting to figure out that I have a lot of lies that I tell myself that somehow, in my mind, became true. But at the same time, it’s tough for me too, because someone in my family got into a physical altercation with me when I was 25. I’m 35 years old now, that was 10 years ago, and for whatever reason that haunts me.
It’s hard because ever since that family member got into a physical altercation with me, I made up these lies about how bad this other person was. Cause this person doesn’t do this to me anymore, and this was 10 years ago, and yet I still can’t let it go?! You know what I mean? Only a vengeful person would still hold that against them. And, the sad fact is, I feel like that person. I feel like that maybe I’m so caught up in wanting justice that I’ve become this terrible person, cause before that traumatic event happened, I never held anything against anyone.
I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, cause your feelings are valid. I mean, I don’t walk in your shoes nor do I know what you have to deal with on a day to day basis. I guess what I was trying to do is tell you that I know how that feels. I feel like I can’t trust everyone in my family. I feel like I am hated here too (and I still live with my Father). And you know, it might not be what’s truly going on, but this is how we feel regardless. And our feelings are valid. It doesn’t make our feelings “right” or “wrong”, it just is you know?
Regardless though, I’m sorry. I sincerely hope you can find that space where you can feel accepted for exactly who you are, cause you’re worth it. We all care about you, you have about 10 comments on this subject. I know it’s not as great as having someone physically present to tell you those things, but, it’s the best we can do at this moment.
