I feel like ive turned evil (year in review)

I feel over the past year ive turned into a bad person. I can even see it in my posts. They aren’t as cheery and nice as they were last year. Whats happening to me? Ive turned bitter and angry. I have the right to be angry but it sucks. And all i can do is wash it away with drugs. I don’t even know why im bitter now but ive changed over this past year for the worst

All i can think about these days is where i can do and sell drugs. It sucks. If this is growing up then i just want to be a kid again

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I don’t know if being bitter and angry is evil. It is not like you are stealing, killing, and taking pleasure in the misfortune of others.

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@Kazuma

I think that being in touch with your emotions is essential to having a meaningful life. It’s scary, and we don’t want to do it, but when I bought a box (several boxes) of Kleenex and let all of my emotions out and took a hard look at each and every emotion my life changed. And it changed for the better. The drugs are simply a way to avoid taking that hard look.

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Hey, you feel pretty bad about it.A lot of people drive that kind of stuff home by being satisfied with feeling that way. I have had my bouts with bitterness, but it always seem to work itself out. I think everybody deals with this kind of stuff from time to time, but it pans itself out eventually. Best to you

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Maybe evil is pushing it but being bitter definitely applies

This site is not helpful

I’m going to try to spend the next 6 months being away

I’m too happy to be hated

Yeah mental illness will do that to the best of us. I’m the same. Though lately I had a dream that highlighted how physically harmless that “evil” side of me was and that it’s more important to focus on understanding it and healing it/working with it. How I’m supposed to do that I have no idea.

You sound like you’re in a depressive episode now. Remember when you’re depressed you can’t really trust your brain anymore than you can when you’re psychotic. It can alter your memories, your view of yourself and of how others view you, your feelings about life, everything. I hope things look up for you soon. Are you on medication? I forget.

@Kazuma I think we have all thought that at one time or another. Knowing that God loves me and has my back is what keeps me going!!

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Sobriety is possible. Drugs are just downhill road. Take it from someone who did plently of ■■■■ to get it. Check this out

If you just change the perspective you could see that the alternative living is possible. And if you need to go, you will leave decently.

So true. Wise Anna.
Things are never so bad as they seem from the point of depressed person.

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dude, your posts weren’t all as bad as you’re saying. In fact, I remember you had this cool thread:

Having pets has lowered my want for suicide :smiley:

getting creepy recall posts

Daze, do you like creepy? :wink: :dark_sunglasses:

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well, it freaked @Patrick out.

idk.