I had an intense episode a few days ago and I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and intrusive thoughts ever since. I always set the recovery time after a major breakdown as two months because my psychosis doesn’t resolve itself quickly.
I’m having bugs crawl on me and the voices want me to jump off the building.
I can’t go to the hospital because of a widespread coronavirus outbreak. Hospitals are seriously the most dangerous places you could go to right now…
What can I do to keep myself from this decline? I don’t want to struggle. Everything feels like pain.
Do you have any friends who would hold your hand through this? There is a twelve step group called “Emotions Anonymous”. They’re present in any city of any size. You have people you can confide in on this site. You can get support here. Don’t be afraid to lean at this time. You have a legitimate right to get help.
Do some fun things even if you don’t enjoy them a 100%. I had one therapist who said in his experience mentally ill people just don’t do enough fun things. He based his whole therapeutic approach on getting his clients to have a little fun on occasion. And I agree with him.
I know it sounds trivial and that our problems are extremely serious and even a matter of life or death but using myself as an example I know how constant worrying and focusing on the negative takes it’s toll and wears you down. Maybe it’s better to ignore this post of mine and forget about it. But maybe if you are in the position to get out for a walk or go out to eat in a restaurant when there’s only a few people in it or go for a hike or take a walk downtown and window shop or go to a free museum or art gallery or sit on your porch and sip a soda and watch the people walk by and maybe say “hello” or go out for coffee etc. I mean stuff like this helped in my recovery (but not all the time).
To answer your question, maybe doing some of this will stimulate your senses and challenge you and at least give you a minutes relief from worrying and get you to focus on something besides your problems and it would be even better if you focused on other people besides focusing on yourself. I know that just focusing on myself can be a problem sometimes.
Anyways! Like I said, ignore this or maybe take something from it. Good luck.
I spent like three days feeling awfully suicidal and burdened by external stimuli/tactile hallucinations. I tried to stim more and embrace that identity of myself, which has worked well so far. I worry about my mom seeing this and thinking that I may not be normal.
I wish I could hang out with others but I’m basically stuck at home because of the coronavirus outbreak infecting 4000+ people. So for now I’m going to make artworks and graphics and do lots of fun things, such as knitting.
Your advice is so important to me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me.
I think Nick had some great advice, and I agree that you’d do well to follow it. Don’t forget crisis hotlines, either, if things get really bad. Also, I think that, given that option, I would choose risking corona virus over suicide. Suicide attempts cause a much greater likelihood of death. Please, please take care of yourself.
I agree with you, but one visit to the hospital can kill my family’s reputation. My mom won’t send me to one- especially when Korea’s a tight-knit country with lots of relatives and acquitances.
I’ll take care of myself- please do not worry. I’m doing lots of self-care now although the bugs are starting to crawl again. Strangely, working is preventing the bugs from spreading because typing provides external stimuli so it’s like stimming. It’s really difficult but I will hold on.
