I guess the title says it all. I feel like I’m breaking. I’m crying all the time and sleeping when I’m not crying. I love college/learning, but between it, work, my Mom being sick, and MI/disabilities, I am hanging on by a thread. Everything I do is part-time, but I guess it’s adding up, and it’s more than I can handle. I don’t know how to proceed. I can’t drop a class mid-semester without losing scholarships and having to pay the money back, and I admittedly only have about two or three weeks left of classes, so I just have to push through. And there are only two weeks of work before the holiday break, which is three weeks long.
But honestly, right now, two weeks feels insurmountable. It doesn’t help that I don’t think my boss likes me. I doubt she’ll hire me on for another year. I don’t know if that’d be good or bad. I just really get the impression that I’m not her favorite person. I don’t even know what I did. I’m generally well-liked. I may be stressed out, but I’m still trying to do my best by my students. They are fantastic in general and deserve my all. But it’s a lot. So much stress and anxiety. And, in truth, I never planned to teach again, so there’s that.
I’m also the go-between for my mom and everyone, including her husband. He hasn’t even visited her. Heck, he’s only called her ONCE! He doesn’t even call the doctor for updates. It’s frustrating. One day, I couldn’t find my phone, and everyone seemed so frustrated with me in the messages they left, but I couldn’t help it.
I feel like I’m reaching a point that I can’t come back from, and I don’t know how to slow this crazy train down.
You have a lot on your shoulders constantly. It’s a heavy pressure to feel. Try to take some time to do something that doesn’t stress you out. Recharge your batteries so to speak. When you can, try to take a little time everyday to relax your mind and not think about all your responsibilities. It’s very hard to do but sometimes getting the extra breath is calming. It also helps you think more clearly about how to handle everything long term without breaking down. Stay strong. You got this.
You’re doing so much with your life and going through a lot of situations. What is the worst that can happen? What is the best that could happen. Keep taking care of things. May all your moments be manageable. The mind is capable of great things.
I’m so sorry…I just thought I would tell you you should be really, really proud of yourself for hanging on…just baby step your way through this..if you can.
Doing a job and studying at the same time, even if both are part time is still a full time gig. Go easy on yourself, forget what others think for two weeks and just focus on your wishes. The duty to you mother will come back in karma , I very much believe so!
Thank you, @sweetpotatocasserole@Trooper@jukebox@Wave@Tharakushi1865@Bowens@Mountain . I contacted my pdoc because I want to avoid getting to a point where I’m a danger to myself. I took a day off and did nothing but read a trilogy I like, and it was nice to have a breather. Today, it’s back to the grind. I hope my pdoc has a cancellation so I can see her. I also have therapy on Wednesday.
Maybe take it day by day. Dont let the stress build up in your head. This teacher I follow says to stay in the present moment instead of thinking too much.
I know when im going through the worse times of my illness thinking to much makes it worse. Most of the time if I calm myself down I realize I can handle it but its hard to do.
Anyways.i hope you get through. Im struggling too ….
I got to see my pdoc yesterday, and she’s adding Cobenfy to my meds and, assuming it both works and is covered by insurance, we hope to wean me off a sleeping med eventually. I have therapy in a little while, and we’ll see how that goes.
Sorry you’re going through all of this. I was thinking about going to take some free online or in person computer courses also I would like to work or volunteer. I hope I can handle all of this.
Thanks, @LilyoftheValley and @see121. @see121 my suggestion is adding one thing at a time. I started just going to school part-time, and after a few semesters added work. The rest of the stuff just happened. Life and all that.