I feel like i am running after an idea

of normalcy. it’s like almost a race to get there in time – I am 56 – in order to have some kind of normal life. there it is again, the idea, normal.

part of me wants it part of me wants to call it quits.


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First… it’s hard to define what normal is. Status quo? Illness free? Normal like the magazines say? Normal like suburbia would be? The REAL normal of human beings with pimples, and impure emotions and dark thoughts…

There is a lot of different versions of normal.

hi j. to me it is a race to earn a living for myself, to be independent in every way so I don’t need anybody in a big way, to please those closest to me is also part of the picture I suppose.

people in my “real” life as opposed to cyber space tend not to like me very well. to feel liked would make me feel more normal.

it’s the way it is, this life of mine. like my sz is a weakness, an anger in me, a failing of some kind and that’s what and why I want to call the race quits.


You’ll never be independent so you might as well call that goal quits. Civilization is complexly interwoven and no one stands alone in it. So, if you feel disliked by others, the people you need, just follow the basic rules of being courteous and don’t try anything more. Save your feelings for yourself, you need them. Good luck, chordy.

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Those aren’t necessarily the only two options.

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I thought you were in your thirties or forties this entire time!! Chordy is right, AA taught me that. The exact quote is: “Self-sufficiency is a lie. We all depend on each other”.