I feel like a loser mostly due to my inability to do anything good in life, but also due to never even being on a date with a girl ever at 22. Granted, I’m on a church service mission so I can’t date currently until I hit my two year mark and I’ll be done with my mission, but still.
I don’t have any talents, I have negative symptoms that make it harder to do life in general, though, I recognize that I have life better than most people, and in that I am very grateful. But gratitude only goes so far; without action what good does gratitude do.
Sorry for the rant, but with my closest grandparent with possibly rapid onset dementia, and seeing my other side of my family with success, I feel pretty down. My younger cousins all have girlfriends and a good paying job or in college or in the military. My high school friends don’t want anything to do with me because I don’t drink or gamble with them. I need new friends, but I know not where to find them.
Don’t compare yourself to other people. It’s easy to say but hard to do, I know. You have extenuating circumstances in your life, all these people you’re comparing yourself to don’t have to deal with what you’re dealing with. It’s understandable that you don’t have tons of girlfriends or a great job. I mean I think you have potential, you just have to find what that potential is. If you want to date it takes putting yourself out there and taking risks. I think maybe you should set some goals so you have some things to work towards and writing them down will help you focus.
Thank you, @77nick77, for the advice. It’s true my circumstances are different and I don’t think anyone expects me to be in the military or something as strenuous as that, but man, it sure would be nice.
You’re 1000% right on not comparing myself to others. It’s a dark road that leads to self-pity and envy, but unfortunately one of my biggest vices. I think I just need to buckle up, and get on with life.
You’re right, of course. There is a certain amount pressure we need to put on ourselves, but you’re right about me putting too much pressure on myself.
I’m familiar with LDS culture and it does put a lot of pressure on males to be successful producers and leaders. When health problems you have no control over get in the way of that you quickly find yourself sidelined. So it’s not just you, I’ve seen it happen to others in the past and it sucks. Sorry man.
Yes, @shutterbug, I would say that it is slightly changing for males to be the sole producer for a traditional family, but the emphasis on families is still there.
I guess I’m a outlier because I don’t know if I should, or can, have a family, but the pressure is there. And it’s not just schizophrenic or mentally ill males who feel this within the church, it’s really becoming a church wide notion for young males to not get married early on and start the traditional family.
I appreciate your help, and I will work with my therapist to work out my self-outlook.
Dude, it’s really challenging for males there. BYU is there to get people married. It’s a happy accident if they come out with a degree.
Best I can suggest is talk to your Bishop. Your desire to have a mate is not only a practical matter, but also a spiritual one and that is what he is there for. The Church is large enough that somewhere else there is a female feeling trapped like you and all you need is an introduction. Saw this happen when I was a member decades back and I doubt that has changed.
Oh, and you are NOT a loser. I say this and that makes it official.
Lol, very true about BYU and young single adult wards. Though, my brother graduated from Provo with a Neuroscience degree and didn’t get married, but I still see your point and it’s one hundred percent accurate. I think my next move is to go to a ysa branch once I’m done with my mission, which is only thirty minutes away. I finish in October so that’s what I was kind of thinking of doing.
Thank you for saying I’m not a loser. I think I’m included with several in saying that we look up to you a lot on this forum; your opinion always hold merit.
