I don't want to share what the voices say

For one thing, it gets them riled up, and another its very dangerous, people could get hurt! My doctor is constantly asking for examples and I so badly wanted to tell him but mum was with me and I couldn’t risk her getting hurt, and before it was my nurse, who I also didn’t want to get hurt. Theŷ also threaten me whenever I talk about them.

But mum said if I don’t give him examples he may not believe I hear them.

So I should tell him, maybe next time I’ll go alone. I’m going to tell my nurse that tomorrow when I see him so he can pass it on. I just don’t want to tell them. They’re also embarrassing! I’m feeling worried he’s not going to listen but this is the third appointment and he’s still banging on about it. He’s very nice. I just don’t want to share what the voices say. Is that so hard, without going into the realms of liar liar?

sigh my chlorpromazine has been increased by another 50mg, I’m going to be on 300mg, I really didn’t want to go up to 300! I fear td. But hopefully it will work and no need to change meds. I’m really fighting whether all this is illness or reality. I feel like I should be saying its an illness but I don’t believe it is. Conflicted mind.

I won’t ramble any longer, I hope your day is letting you cope as best as you can. Take care,
Meg.

I keep a journal but in general it’s still rather cryptic as worried often who’s going to read it. But a great place to vent for me. I recommend starting one if you hadn’t. As helps a great deal to put it all in perspective.

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Thank you, I think I will the only time I’ve tried to do that was for my nurse, I think I will try it for myself, as I need it out. It’s not good keeping it all bottled up!

Thanks again, take care,
Meg.

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I was also very guarded and used to “generalise” say they talked about this in general.

So if they say you look crap and smell and need a wash just say they were being nasty about your appearance and then see how much the phyc tries to probe and didn’t give specifics very often!

Also there are medications with nicer side effects than chlorpromazine, maybe a meds change is a good thing I tried 4 different meds before going back to the first one and have been stable on it for years.

I don’t like talking about my voices or messages either. I find it safer to just keep it in my head. Thankfully the worst is behind me as my voices tend to behave and have dropped the you need to die attitude.

I think talking about them can hurt but I find it helps me and if I do my journal or drawings they help even more

Thank you for your kind replies, @tommiez I get what you’re saying, I’ve been doing that. Funnily enough chlorpromazine is the med that’s had the least side effects, I’m not sedated I was able to lose weight (I’ve regained it all pretty quick though but intend on losing again) I’m just frightened of td as I’m sure many people are. I haven’t started the higher dose just yet, I am worried as I’m charging to 150 in the morning and 150 at night. My current dose was 50 in the morning, 50 mid day, and 150 at night I’m worried I’ll be falling asleep in the day. But I’ll give it a go. Changing is an option. I’m going to try the high dose, but I feel chlorpromazine has stopped working for me. I’ll have an open mind though.

@BryanAshley that’s what I’m going through, I used to talk about them quite openly when I’m feeling more with it but when I’m not doing good I retreat because they get loud and vicious, I talked to my nurse about it and he’s recommended the voice diary too gave me a layout sheet, I think that may be safer. But the moment he mentioned ‘they may be audible thoughts’ bam they all got angry and I started feeling overwhelmed but we had to finish, I had to walk into town listening as my iPod is broken, they’re such sods! It gets so loud… All these people, just being so rude and so horrid, I just don’t want the judgement of what they say, that once I say what I say they’re going to assume it’s me, when it’s not! Sorry, rambling… I’m glad what you went through is slowly fading, or that your coping mechanisms are stronger as it were, keep up the good work!

@bhhurl1 I never thought of trying to draw them, I enjoy art, I wil try that! Thank you for that idea! Keep at it!

Take care,
Meg.

@Dante13

I’m sorry your having to fight this fight again. You are using a lot of strength not to hurt your Mom.

I really agree with @Dreamscape … a journal… something to get the pressure out of your head so it’s not still in there. Then if you don’t want to talk about it… you could have the doc read it. Or once you get it out of your head… find the parts your comfortable describing.

I sort out a lot of stuff on paper many times before I go see my doc. Sometimes I can sort it out on paper and feel better because then I can see it from above.

(I have a problem with journaling. It’s hard for me to stop. I’ve been told it’s hypergraphia.)

Good luck and I am hoping the best for you.

Yeah I really don’t think they are audible thoughts. You can get caught up in accidentally feeding them lines but even once you disconnect they will continue to do their own thing. Voices are a pain, they’re inhuman in what they say. No filter just pure harassment.

Getting enough sleep seems to help and 3000 mg niacin a day. I saw a Talk on Ted it was a woman discussing about her sz, and she mentioned arguing or answering them back. Another thing is you can just see them as noise and harmless. I have tried all if these and they work.

A journal is a good idea. I think I’ll start one and just vent to it, because I keep stuff bottled up too. It would be an interesting journal.

Journals are really good try to stick with it if you can. Www.penzu.com has an online journal that is really cool. You can get an app journal or just a note book and decorate it so it’s a special journal. There is no limit to journaling. You can add photos, pictures of things you cut out and paste on your journal. You can draw and paint in your journal. Evernote is really cool it’s an app that you can write, make slides, add photos, record yourself and the list goes on.

The journal free online at https://penzu.com/

My voices say if I say I hear voices I’m lying. lol it’s like they don’t even know. But it is true in a way i guess…