I’m not sure whether I have psychotic depression or sz, but it doesn’t matter right now because it has taken every once of life that I’ve had with in me. It’s taken everything from me I have such long lasting episodes that it isn’t even funny and over the course of the years I feel like I’ve lost my family and all of my friends
I used to be so creative and I loved doing things but everything I made and sketched out everything important that I had I threw it all in the trash I was trans and stopped being trans because people made me believe I was some kind of prophet and that my family was soon going to kill me. I think the thing that makes me even Angier is that I feel like I’ve lost myself I can’t go outside anymore because of paranoia, I can’t do certain things because I feel like people are watching me all of the time. I keep thinking about high school and how the people I knew want me dead I hear there voices in my mind and keep thinking I’m being controlled without my medicine I get so bad I drove so many people away and I hate myself for what I’ve done during that time I had hallucinations with the nightmares I had and lost track of time it was so horrible and terrifying I’m still a little scared from that episode and if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this it’s that I hate myself and I hate having psychosis I’m always trying to escape but somehow it’s like a loop, I don’t know what to do because my life feels ruined I feel like giving up and just laying here in my room all day.
Hey. I want you to know that no matter how bad things get, they can get better. Six years ago I was homeless, drunk constantly, and had zero friends or family speaking to me. It sucked. But things got better, a little bit at a time. Getting serious about my treatment was the first step.
im sorry to hear youre feeling poorly, I hope things improve for you…you should try getting a good med combo to hep you
Don’t give up. Instead of hating yourself for what you did while psychotic, make a commitment to work with your pdoc to get your meds right and make a commitment to always take your meds no matter what. If you do, things will get better over time.
I don’t even agree that I have sz, but because everyone is telling me I do, I’m committed to taking my meds even though they don’t make the men following me go away. You can do that too. Just talk to your dr about your depression and your other symptoms and take your meds.
I really hope they do get better, after what happened I’m definitely going to seek treatment.
I don’t have a psychtrist doctor but I’ll try my best to take my meds.
I had an episode where I suddenly thew away my meds but I’m back on the again I take welbutrin and latuda I’m still kind of paranoid and see things but I can still question things.
Can you get a psychiatrist?
Not at the moment, because my parents don’t have enough money at least that’s what they told me.
Ok. Are you able to work? Maybe you could pay the copay yourself? Is that a possibility?
I’m not able to work at the moment, it’s the reason why my parents tried to get me on disability because I have cognitive issues, memory issues, and not being able to socialize correctly.
I’m sorry. That really sucks.
Yeah, maybe one day I’ll be able to.
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