Hello… I’m a newbie. I don’t really like making post online, but I’ve been feeling bad lately…
I was diagnosed with psychotic depression around 4 years ago. I don’t really remember what happened but I was laying down on my couch and I couldn’t get up because i was so scared and paranoid. My thoughts where really bad that i felt i needed to go to the hospital. I couldn’t tell my thoughts from voices… Then i was prescribed risperdal or something… It made me sleep 16+ hours a day and i hated it. I stopped taking it shortly after i got out of the hospital and only took an antidepressant + therapy.
A few months later, all of a sudden the psychotic symptoms disappeared. Like in an instance. I was really relieved… but it was so fast. Everything i felt before felt fake. I didn’t even remember what it felt like to have psychotic symptoms. So i thought maybe i never had it in the first place… that i lied or something strange like that.
3 years later today, im feeling extremely terrible. I get these bad thoughts that Im being followed, being controlled and that everyone hates me because im evil. I dont know whats happening to me because ive never heard of something like this happening to somebody. What if im actually faking it like i thought? I dont think i would ever go to the hospital again because it was expensive and scary.
Sorry if this is all jumbled up, im terrible at typing. This all probably made no sense… 
You should call your pdoc and tell him
There are a lot of antipsychotics who don’t make you feel drowsinnes or sedated.
Do you still have depression? How old are you? Do you take an antidepressant?
Im 23. Im in the middle of changing doctors because they didnt take my new insurance. Im always switching between doctors and insurances… i dont have a steady place to get help 
You need an appointment with a pdoc. Your meds aren’t right. By the way, welcome to the forum!!!
@noart
So glad to have you here! I hope you receive the support you are looking for!
What you went through four years ago is traumatic. I’m sorry your experienced that. The hospital has its place, but it can be overwhelming. Also, taking an antipsychotic (until you find a better one) can cause you much distress because of the side effects.
It’s fairly common that your symptoms stopped after your first episode. It’s also common, as you’re saying, that symptoms come back or new symptoms start. That can mean that there is an underlying illness.
You may or may not have schizophrenia. A psychiatrist will determine that after observing you and collecting data about your symptoms and experiences over time. Diagnoses can change, especially in the beginning, if symptoms are sporadic. If symptoms progress in amount, frequency, or intensity, a doctor will confidently give you a more clear diagnosis.
The three symptoms you are describing, fear of being followed, fear of being controlled, and fear of everyone thinking a certain way of you, are symptoms of psychosis. It sounds like you are having an episode.
Having an episode does not necessarily mean you have to go to the hospital. It can be treated with medicine and intervention. The kind folks on here will respond to your post and tell you to call your doctor immediately. You can lose insight, and it’s besf to receive treatment before that happens.
If you lose insight, you also could lose control. For your safety and the safety of those around you, you would need to go to the hospital.
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Write down all of the symptoms you are having. As best as you can, track their frequency and intensity.
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Find a doctor ASAP. When you call to make an appointment, explain that you are having a psychotic episode and you need to be seen immediately. If you can not get in to see a psychiatrist, visit your regular family doctor.
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Research hospitals. They aren’t all terrible. It’s best to find a stand alone behavioral health hospital, if you can.
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Continue to talk with us on this forum. The people here are wonderful. Most lead happy, productive lives. Their wisdom is incredible, and they will talk you through.
Have you told your family?
Why is your insurance switching?
Sorry for the late reply.Thank you for reading, it means alot… My dad pays for my insurance, a lot of times it gets too expensive so we switch… im upset because i was feeling really well until recently. I dont want my family to know about this because they thought i was doing better
I feel like im losing my body to something evil. I was really trying to get better so i could get a job or go back to school… i cant tell if thats my thoughts telling me im dumb or someone else’s… why cant i tell? im not functioning properly and i have no appetite. My thoughts are corroded and rotting.
Keep us posted on how you’re doing
You will not lose yourself to something evil because you are trying to get better. Just keep fighting the good fight and you’ll do nothing but get better at it and move forward.
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