What am I supposed to do when I get sick if I can’t even make an appointment? I was put on an on call basis due to inclement weather preventing me from seeing my psychiatrist, and she has canceled on me when I was in the car about to drive there. Like what the heck. I am polite etc. and they do nothing but over analyze me and I had just tried to get back with the therapist right before they put me on call basis. So I didn’t get the chance to make ANY appointments. It feels systematic. I’m getting night terrors and that has gone consistently untreated for some time now although I’ve told them about this. I was also put on Buspar right before they put me on this system where I have to schedule three same day appointments before I can be put in the system called “same day sick” with some pushing on my part. So they aren’t even trying they’re ■■■■■■■ nuts I’m so done.
It is making me question that I am even dealing with adhd or schizoaffective disorder. They also took me off the stimulant medication so I can’t focus much anymore as it seemed to help me. The psychiatrist made me take a drug test last appointment and it showed up positive for weed so she wouldn’t prescribe me vyvanse or anything else but Buspar, which ■■■■■■■ sucked it didn’t help it worsened everything. I got physically ill on it and it made me twitch.
I just want a peaceful night’s sleep. I’m tired of feeling like everything’s missing or that things aren’t being acknowledged and I’m not represented as a patient. I never sleep paralysis until I started taking this medication. Also, I think it’s a sign of temoral epilepsy as I get shocks in my head before it starts and I’m completely conscious of it. My brain just starts shocking itself and it gets worse and worse and worse, then I try to wake myself up but I keep going deeper into it and I am aware of things around me too. So it’s like a mix between sleep paralysis and a night terror because something terrifies me, mostly the shocking because it takes me out of myself and it’s scary. Sometimes these night terrors come with the feeling something else is taking control of me.
I get night terrors of being raped, stabbed, and others with supernatural elements. I am conscious of some “other force” zapping away my energy. It’s sickening and frightening and I hate it and I want it to stop! I’m so angry and upset because I can’t control it and it always happens when I’m feeling happy.