The more the days go by, the more I contemplate suicide. I just don’t know my place in the world, and I’m not even sure if I have one. I don’t enjoy anything really. Ok, that’s a lie, I like being drunk or high. I’m an addict and a schizophrenic, my voices are quiet, but tell me to kill myself. I wish there was a button I could press or just go to sleep and never wake up.
My parents are urging me to find a job, but I couldn’t care less about working at some stupid minimum wage job. I think about going back to school but I ■■■■■■■ hate it. I don’t think I’ll be able to do it, and even so, I want to study psychology, which is… tough to find a job in with just a bachelors, not to mention, I doubt I’d be able to complete it anyways. So that’s out. Working some mind numbing job makes me even more suicidal then I already am.
Sitting on my ass all day at home sucks too. Everything sucks, life sucks, I’ve been dealt a ■■■■ hand. I have no ambition to make something of myself at all. I’d rather die. Tis terrible. My schizophrenia isn’t even bad, it’s just the negative symptoms kill me more than the positive.
I should pick up smoking or something, because that will make me die sooner. I just need a way out.
I honestly want to pack a bag and go travelling through the US but I’m scared of doing it, and when I run out of money I’ll be on the streets.
Relax man… Work on improving your cognitive function and reducing your negative symptoms. I’m kind of in the same boat as you… I would have related strongly to your post throughout this last year. Things can change man. Work one being positive. Don’t take up smoking that’s a painful way to go.
It maybe better than sitting at home all day?
After my first relapse my parents made me get out while I took off school. I was scared I could do nothing but I tried and then you gain confidence to learn more and work your way up.
Even those with degrees start at the bottom.
And experience counts more than taking ivory tower courses that have nothing to do with the real world.
I’m pretty relaxed man. Just suicidal.
Well man that’ll get you no where. Trust me though I can relate.
I’ve found that I am the most sour about life right after I have done some heavy drinking. Getting drunk and high does that to you. Because of that I don’t get drunk very often. Maybe you should put limits on your intake of mood altering substances. Try to find something you want to do. I know the negative symptoms are a bitch. I was a lot like you when I was young. Now I am 56, and I am looking at the fact that I have done nothing with my life. It’s not that I think you have some obligation to live your life a certain way. I am just telling you what I think is the easiest way to get through life. Doing nothing has its trial and its problems.
Would you say that you regret anything? Are you happy ?
Suicide is beginning to make alot of sense to me.
Why keep doing this?
It’s easy to check out of life mentally, and sometimes, it’s more healthy to go underground and hide for a while. Kind of a winter so to speak.
Hold on for awhile longer, you might find that if you accept winter as “normal”? natural? then when spring comes, things make more sense.
The longer I live, the more I understand that life does not always progress forward. Sometimes it stalls out, sometime it runs backwards very fast.
It’s all okay.
Don’t fight it.
Use the time to understand yourself more.
If nothing good comes out of a situation, then take the time to try something different.
As long as you are still breathing, you still have a chance to make it different, but, it has to come from you.
Thanks guys, you’ve helped me again, tremendously.
Yeah, drugs and drinking don’t generally solve your problems. They actually CAUSE problems. Especially if you are dependent on them. I smoked crack heavily for 4 years. What happened to me a million times is that while I was high
I was happy and talkative and took chances and I always felt “in control”. But I always payed for my so-called “fun” when I came down and I was broke, and hungry, and depressed, and I was in some strangers home I had just met in the worst parts of town. And all my problems and responsibilities were still there. Drugs and booze just TEMPORARILY mask your problems, they don’t make them go away.
Supposing I’m 65 and you’re 21, then seemingly, nothing has change in the world in 44 years.
Actually, when I was about 29 I went to the Theater and saw a Greek play, perhaps Agamemnon, and decided that night that nothing had changed in human society since that play was written like 3,000 years ago.
I dunno what the answer is Dude. I like to say to you what I wish was said to me when I was your age, but I don’t know how to say it to you.
“Keep on rockin’ in the free world.”
Life is good, Dude! Don’t kick it to the curb is my advice.
Jayster
Turn your energies into something positive. You may not realize you may be helping someone who is in a similar position. I dread going to work, but it is something I have to do to pay bills and live a meaningful life. Check my blog: cbdpush.com, you may come across something useful.
Drink caffeine like hell and see if your negative symptoms improve. Works for me.
I’d say I’m fairly happy, but it is painful to look at my life and see how little I have done. I went through some times of intense unhappiness when I was on Haldol.
Yeah drink caffeine lots and go skateboarding or something. Anything adrenaline related. That might get you outta your downturn.
@amplitude…get yourself checked into psychiatric hospital, you need help and time out. COntact your local psychiatric hospital and get help now.
I went on a date with a pretty Asian girl today. We kissed and had lots of fun. So I guess life isn’t all that bad.
I love asian girls LOL but seriously. I pretty much only date asian girls these days 
good job dude!