But rather may I compromise that for a hopeful enlightenment…I am self driven. But not self centered. Because my center is outside myself because it is built in delusions. Most of my narcissist nature is in delusions.
Terence McKenna said we need egos to feed ourself. Well I used to have voices telling me to throw my food away and feed it to the seagulls because they were more important than me.
My ego was there, but located in delusion.
Now I got some more of a balance with reality and non delusion but still my ego is not very strong in reality. But that could be an assistant to enlightenment. Not success. Which is fine with me. As long as I have something going for me I am content.
I want to have an ego. I want to succeed. That is my ego hoping to breath. But it doesn’t have enough life to feel like it’s important and it matters.
I know that I’m not but sometimes I image myself in my head as a hapless mentally ill man.
The greatest enlightenment is…to know how to be kind. Imo.
Psychotic disorder and ego are very connected. My ego sometimes is saturating, i think and i talk about my problems a lot. And other’s people problems? Sometimes i don’t give enough space to people but it’s difficult to control myself.
I feel weak too sometimes, having a bad image of myself. But we’re fighters…and beautiful inside, right?
I believe my obsession with the word “ego” and why it’s bad definitely induced a much greater psychosis than already was. I do think they’re linked. Whether we’re conscious of it or not. Thanks for your post
I think I talk about my problems a lot too. Maybe it’s because of a fragile ego but not a conceited ego imo. But that doesn’t make us weak. Your will is different. Your will works with what it is given. And we have relatively strong wills to deal with this illness.
Yes you are right I think.
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