Schizophrenia.com

I can never stand my life because of this illness, always very depressed

Hello everyone.

I ‘m writing this, because I totally need help. I found this site some months ago, but couldn’ t write, because I thought I couldn’ t get help. I 'm thirty years old, and about my whole life (since I was 7) I have been struggling with schizophrenia. I kept it as a secret many years ago, but then couldn’t stand hiding it from others anymore, I used to tell it to everyone. Now this has been reduced a bit.
Anyway, ll my life I have been very depressed because I 've been facing my “daemons” and that is really tiring psychologically. I have been through many dark paths, people used to make fun of me or even don’t pay me any attention like I never existed, never was really happy, and now this has gotten worse, because the meds don’t work for me and I ‘m facing voices and “ideas”. I don’ t have many friends, in older times I used to have none in my city, I never had a good time with my ex-boyfriends, most of my life I have been lonely and really noone could understand what I was going through because I 've had been through very hard times.
I never was optimistic and I find this logical when nothing goes well in my life. I hate everything and perhaps everyone because noone can understand me, perhaps not so much people with the same suffering as mine. I don’t want to commit suicide, but I really can’t stand my life anymore. I also haven’t got libido for 6 years. Nothing goes well in my life and never was.
Any ideas to stop suffering? I suffer everyday, each hour of the day, I 'm thinking of the illness and the stigma, since meds don’t work for me, my doctor said perhaps I 'll be well in the future, but also told me that this illness gets worse every 10 years. I would really appreciate your advice and sorry for the long intro.

1 Like

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. For me when I’m depressed I look back on my life and say “it’s always been a struggle, what’s the point of living if all I do is feel pain?” I become hopeless and suicidal. When I’m feeling well my perspective changes. I still remember the same events as when I was depressed, but I also remember the good times and look to the future at all of the possibilities. I know how it feels to feel cornered where you no longer want to feel pain, but you don’t want to kill yourself. It’s a horrible existence and I truly have empathy for you. Find a different doctor if you don’t like the one you have. Try every med combo out there. Work with a therapist. Don’t lose hope! It shows you at least have a glimmer of hope if you’re posting here asking for help, it shows you believe things could be different. Don’t lose sight of that. Good luck! :sunny:

2 Likes

Hello. I feel a little bit better now, but still not well. Life is so unfair, some people have a very good time and some others only suffer, how not to be jealous of that? I don’t know if there is anything that can make me feel better from here, perhaps finding a good boyfriend and some good friends would help me, but they are very hard to find. Generally I always meet very bad people that make me feel worse. I don’t have many good memories to remember, most all bad or very bad. Thanks for having empathy for me. I 'm on Risperdone and Aloperidol now, and I 'm thinking that Aloperidol is responsible for feeling so bad, I 've been a little bit better, being only on Risperdone. Thank you for your advice, I will take it into concern, but, when you say to talk with a therapist, is psycotherapy suitable for us? Because one doctor I used to have and the one I have now, say that it is not allowed for me. Thank you for all your support!!!

1 Like

Life does seem unfair, but EVERYBODY struggles. The grass is always greener on the other side. I grew up with a girl who grew up with no mental illness. It seemed like she had it all while I struggled. She grew up to have a good career, children, and now a husband. For a while I was very jealous, but she struggles too. She treats her mother like crap, which says something about her, she found her daughter’s father dead from an overdose, her daughter is hyperactive, and she works all the time as a nurse which is an always on the go job. I’m sure there are other things but I don’t keep in touch with her, our moms are friends. A boyfriend or friends won’t make you happy. It takes inner peace to appreciate others. I know from experience. Something that has brought me peace and happiness is chanting. I can tell you more about it if you want. I’ve come a long way and I still struggle. I can only tell you my experience because I’ve been where you are. If you are positive you will attract positive people, it’s the same if you’re negative. Therapy is absolutely, 100% suitable. That’s where you learn coping and can get solutions to problems you’re having. Sometimes it’s a reality check and other times it helps to just vent. Be very cautious if a professional tells you it wouldn’t be good for you. I can’t imagine why they would say that. Hang tough! :sunny:

2 Likes

Thank you very much for your help, I 'm not the only one who’s jealous then. When you say chanting you mean to have a positive energy?

It’s a Buddhist practice that the Soka Gakki organizes worldwide. We chant the title to the Lotus Sutra, Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and chant portions of the Lotus Sutra. We believe world peace can be achieved through everyone finding happiness in their lives. We each have different life conditions and chanting raises those. So you can be in Hell and have the life condition of Buddhahood. So you wouldn’t suffer like someone with a lower life condition. Chanting also attracts things to your life. And you can chant for anything! When I was going through my battle in court I was charged with a felony. My mom and I chanted like crazy that whole year. In the end I was accepted into Pretrial Intervention which I don’t believe would have happened if we hadn’t chanted. PTI is a step below probation where your charges are expunged after you complete the program. The SGI website is here. Check it out. Let me know if you have any questions. :sunny:

1 Like

thought i would say hi.
take care

1 Like

Welcome Rain**
That is my favorite kind of day in the summer!*
Not sure why you can`t get therapy–maybe not on your insurance? I would check that out again! If your current meds are not working for you, talk to your doctor about changes.
Come back here often–I cannot tell you how good this site is-it has saved me many times! Talking here is been kind of a therapy for me. Maybe this will help you a little too,Hope your feeling better soon…*

1 Like

Thanks for your help!!!

Hi, and thank you!! I hope you are not suffering like me!! Be well!!

1 Like

Thank you. I have insurance, but the meds that used to work for me, now don’t. My doctor says perhaps they will in the future, and it takes time for that.Thank you all for everything…

1 Like

I think a great many sz’s share your feelings. I’ve had my share of them. I know it can sound trite to spout platitudes, but I once heard this woman say that the key to life for her was to learn to like herself no matter what. You have to learn to give yourself unconditional positive regard. If that doesn’t work, as it often doesn’t for me, keep in mind that there are a lot of people worse than you. (I didn’t say “worse off”; I said “worse”. There are a lot of people out there who are bad. Keep in mind that at least you haven’t done some of the bad things they have. Personally, I have trouble getting out my front door, and as a result I am lonely. I got my TV and my computer, though, and I do a pretty fair amount of reading. My isolated life has its rewards.

2 Likes

Hello, you just told me what I needed to “hear”. That I need to love myself and I 'm not the only one who suffers and that there is worse than that. I am bad sometimes with people though, because I 'm jealous. I have nothing, they have everything, that is so unfair. Thanks for your words, it feels good to be in this forum. Have a good day all of you!!!